Banging With Friends Confession

th2Immediately after writing my last blog Banging My Facebook Friends or FILF, I was hit by a feeling of guilt.  No, it wasn’t plagiarized.  I felt guilty because I told you that I am married and had no inclinations to try the new app that allows user to pick their FILF Facebook friends and send out a feeler to see if a one-night stand could be set up. The thing is, I realized I was lying as soon as I pressed  the ‘publish’ button.  I knew that as soon as I was done checking my blog stats, I was going to give that app a try.  Just out of curiosity, nothing serious.

I browsed my friends’ list and to no surprise, found that I had some not-too-bad friends.  Bangable if you don’t mind the word. Good potential.  Judy the redhead had that ‘come hither’ look that made me want to go thither.  Lindsay, my blonde friend worked out hard and had a real tight bod.  She also had that girl-next-door look so why not?  Mary the midget was nothing special but she was one of my best friend and I am sure she would not have been impressed to find out she was on on my FILF list.  ‘Is it a midget thing?’ she might ask. Plus she’s really nice. I am not gay but sometimes I am not 100% sure and there’s no one I’d rather test my sexuality on than my buddy Anthony. You never know…How about the MILF Helen?  I guess she falls in the MILF/FILF bracket.  So I sent out feelers.  Oh wait,   There’s Stacey who I had recently added because I liked the way she looked on her profile pic.  Yeah, I creeped her Facebook page.  Man is she ever hot!  Yoga pants never looked better.  She lived not too far from me either.  What do I have to lose?  So I decided to start with those.

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They all responded!  I got a ‘WTF!’ from Judy and a ‘Eeew’ from Mary the midget.  Seriously Mary?  Lindsay sent me a smiley face with the word, ‘When’.  Well I thought it was just the one word.  Looking closer, it was actually followed by  two more words. ‘pigs fly’.  Helen, my MILF friend promptly wrote ‘Stay away from me, you creep!’ and unfriended me.  Anthony sent me a profanity-laced private message which also included threats if I ever got close to him.  Yes, he too unfriended me.  For some reason, my other buddies stopped talking to me but that’s just jealousy I supposed.

Well so much for this banging my Facebook friends app.     At this rate, I will have a low self esteem, no friends and get banged upside the head.  On the bright side, I’m down a few friends…

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Banging My Facebook Friends or FILF

bangwithfreinds-300113Calm down, this blog is now what it seems.  I don’t go around having sex with my Facebook friends. What do you think it is?  Sexbook?  Ok, well maybe there’s a couple (Not that kind of couple) who I have had intimate relationships with and we are now friends on Facebook but…nevermind.  None of your business anyways.

This morning, I heard on the radio that there’s a new Facebook app that users could use to let their friends know that they are able, willing and capable to have intimately casual encounters of the sex kind. WOW!  Yes, you heard me right.  There IS an app for that!

Well being Mr. Investigative Reporter, I got on my google and ‘googled that shit’ as my buddy would say.  Turns out it’s legit. There’s a new Facebook sex app called ‘Bang With Friends’ that you can use to hook up and do the deed.  The horizontal or parallel mambo.  The thing.  Sex.  In four days after it was launched, it garnered 20,000 users.  This just put a whole different spin on ‘poking’ and ‘Friends with benefits’.

I know your curiosity juices are flowing uncontrollably so I won’t bore you anymore with the trimmings.  You want to know how this thing works, right? Well users sign in with Facebook, go through their friends’ list, pick the friends that they would like to enjoy some er…bedtime with, ok the filf, and the friends get a message that you are interested in something more and if they feel the same way, they reciprocate.  Then bang! bang! it’s done! Like dinner!  Read here.

It’s supposedly very discreet and private.  Sort of like those hookers in Vegas that come to your room.  So don’t worry about your friend yapping to her other friends who are also your friends who are also friends with your wife.  “Girl, you won’t believe who wants to have sex with me.”  “Noooo! Not him! Really? Isn’t he married with children?”

Now this is actually one of those things you just want to try.  I won’t as I’m happily married and casual encounters of the sex kind scares me but I’m just so tempted to click on someone’s name and see what happens.  I might get a private message with one word.  ‘When?’

If you haven’t done so yet, don’t forget to add the group ‘FILF’ to your Facebook friends filter and thank me later.  With 700+ friends, I hope there’s at least one friend who finds me desirable.

Why I have another blog

The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde po...

I started blogging just over a year ago.  It was a private affair that later turned into an ‘invite only’.  I wasn’t keen on everyone reading my thoughts.  After a couple of months and some urging from friends and family, I went fully public.  I must confess, it wasn’t an easy thing for me.  I am usually a very private person when it comes to my thoughts.  I am more a listener than a talker.  (Ok, maybe I feared the criticism too).

Going public was great for stats.  (I shared my blogs on Facebook, Twitter and other sites).  I watched as my followers and daily views increased.  it was fun! Then I realized something.  My writing had changed.  I was now second guessing each blog and its contents.  What would this person say when she reads this?  Oh, I can’t write this. I have a friend with this issue and they will think I’m writing about them.  Would my friends like this one? They are going to see me differently after reading this one.  It was as though I had lost the cloak of anonymity.  And so I started another blog.

With this blog, I regained my anonymous status.  It is public but I do not advertise it to my friends or family.  If they happen to find it on WP, they would not be able to make the connection.  A month ago, I had to show my wife a few of the blogs as I thought they were well written pieces.  She was unhappy that I had not bothered to tell her that I had a new blog.  I explained that I wanted a blog that I could feel free to write however and whatever I want.   I mean seriously, do I want my mom to read blogs about me trying not to have an erection on massage tables?  Of course not!  My mom and I don’t have that kind of relationship.

I have more fun writing funnysideupandscrambled than any of my other blogs.  It’s like a Jekyll and Hyde personality.   With this blog, you, yes you, are very lucky.  You get to see a side of me that has never before been revealed.  You see the side of me that only a bff would see.

And plain and simple, that’s why I have another blog.  Now go and explore it and come back often.

Greg Norman Dropped on Golf Course By Big Bird

Norman tees off at Royal Birkdale

On a golf course in California, Greg Norman, popularly called ‘The Shark’, was dropped presumably from the sky, on a golf course.  He was still breathing and very much alive and it was thought that a bird must have picked  him up while swimming and dropped him on the course, close to the 18th hole.

Hold on…one sec…My more-informed wife is just telling me that I am reporting erroneously.  Greg, she says, had nothing to do with this story. She said that I should go back and read it again.  Gimme a minute, I’ll be right back.

Aha! I got it. An actual shark was dropped on a golf course!  OMG!  Look up it’s a bird, no, it’s a sha….Ouch!!  You could never be too safe on those golf courses eh?

So the story is that a bird, (well I did get that part right) was the culprit or shark thief in this case of whodunnit.  Now I am thinking, if a bird could grab a shark from the sea and drop it on land, we have a much bigger (no pun) issue than a live shark on a golf course.  Was it a pre-historic type bird?  Maybe a phoenix?  Well thank goodness it wasn’t Greg Norman, The Shark.

 

What’s in a name?

The Olympics sure have its share of funny moments, don’t you agree?  There is that Bulgarian, aptly named Vania Stambelova (pronounced like ‘stumble over’), who actually lived up to her name by stumbling over a hurdle while running in the 400m heats.  Talking about apt names, how about Usain ‘The Lightning’ Bolt?  Bolt? Seriously?  What were his parents thinking?  That he would become the world’s fastest man?   Yeah right.  While on the topic of names, how about the Korean pole vaulter, Kim Yoo Suk?  I can hear the crowd chanting,  KIM YOU SUCK!  How motivating.

While watching vaulting, I heard the announcer say, ‘There are no Poles in vaulting’.  I thought, what? How could this be?  It took me a while before I realized that he meant that Poland did not have an athlete in that event…I AM KIDDING! I just felt like yanking your chain there.  Have a chuckle, will you?

What else can I say about the Olympics? Oh yeah, we, as in Canada, won gold in Trampoline, proving we have the best trampoliner in the world.  Take that China! In  your face USA!  We even got a 4th place finish too.  Wait a minute! How did we get two athletes in the top 5?  Are you saying the other countries do no take trampolining seriously? Well I’ll be damned!  Who cares, a win’s a win.  We will take it as we are in no position to argue.  Karen COCKBURN was our fourth place finisher.  Now what prompted me to capitalize her last name…  If I had that last name, I’d be seeing me a doctor.  I am thinking she should maybe have a talk with LUBA Golovina, the 7th place finisher.  She might be able to provide some relief.  In a strange twist, the winner of the men’s trampoline event was China’s Dong Dong.  Not touching that.  No! I don’t mean I am not touching dong… actually forget it.

In the weightlifting category, the Chinese are unbeatable.  Lulu Zhou set a record with her snatch.  Did that come out wrong? Snatch is the term used for weightlifting so I said it right, right? Anyways, Lulu cleans and jerks like a boss.  For some strange reason, that just sounded so wrong right there.  No puns intended if any were found.  After all, it’s only a name.