Bless this woman that I’m about to eat…

Eat me!

Eat me!

Well kick me in the ass and call me Susan! The news is just getting weirder and weirder. Beam me up Scotty, signs of lifeforms are nil down here. Ok here it is. A New York police officer has been arrested and charged with the crime of plotting to eat women. Calm down. I am not talking about that kind of eating. He planned on actually eating as in munching…I mean devouring them. Nevermind, you know what I mean.

But anyways, the cop was recorded talking to a co-conspirator detailing his plans to cook and consume a potential victim.

In an alleged on-line exchange between Valle and a coconspirator included in the complaint, Valle is quoted saying, “I was thinking of tying her body onto some kind of apparatus . . . cook her over a low heat, keep her alive as long as possible.”

“I love that she is asleep right now not have the slightest clue of what we have planned,” Valle allegedly wrote. “Her days are numbered . . . She does look tasty, doesn’t she?”

“You do know if we don’t waste any of her, there is nearly 75 lbs of food there,” replied the alleged co-conspirator, who also allegedly asked Valle, “What’s your favorite cut of meat?”

When the alleged co-conspirator asked Valle, “How big is your oven?”, Valle is alleged to have responded, “Big enough to fit one of these girls if I folded their legs.”

I realize that the price of food is skyrocketing but this is ridiculous! Human meat is fast becoming a delicacy and in high demand. This is far from being the only such case like this. In a few years from now we might be seeing restaurants boasting that they serve authentic succulent brunettes. I like my blondes well done sir, not rare. I hate blood. Ok, I am sorry. Eating people is no joke, organic or not. Just think, as we speak, or blog, someone is probably eating someone. Maybe right next door.

As gross as it does sound, don’t tell me you have never remotely wondered how would human meat taste. Come on…I didn’t say you craved the meat. Would a hottie taste any different from say a plain Jane?

Remember this, next time you tell someone ‘Eat Me!’ they just might.