So I have invented a new family game that will help everyone understand what to do when in the presence of the Queen. Seems like some people still don’t get it. The game is still in its infancy stages but the premise of it is that players would be faced with different scenarios where they are forced to make decisions to save the queen but not allowed to touch her in any way. You touch her, you lose.
Here’s one such scenario. Liz is on the sinking Titanic and all her handlers have perished and poor Liz is frantic and alone. She’s not used to this so she’s way out of her element and sobbing like an infant. Liz wants off the ship that’s sinking faster than the popularity of the Monarchy. Tossing protocol aside, she reaches her arm out to you for help. Yes, the Queen is reaching out to you, a peon. A commoner! Was that a pig flying overhead?
So, the question is, what do you do? Remember, YOU CAN’T TOUCH THE QUEEN! While you ponder this, here’s another one. The 91 year old Liz is ascending some stairs which at her age, could be a daunting if not treacherous task. You are the closest person to her and you are certain she might trip over the royal rug. You were right! The old lady stumbles towards you and only you could halt her descent. What do you do?
I didn’t know it was possible for a person to choose their sexual orientation. That’s not all, one could also get their kids to grow up as a…a…uhm…thing? No wait, an unassigned-gendered organism or being. Yup! yes siree!
I just read, that in British Columbia, (That’s in Canada for you Mercan folks), a baby was giving a ‘U’ for sexual orientation on its health card on the request of the parent who wants to raise the kid as a sex-fence straddler. (I made that word up by the way).
The parent thinks it infringes on the baby’s human rights to be forced to live like a duck boy or girl. Parent X wants baby Y to choose whether it wants to continue on as a male or female once Baby Y is old enough. (Let’s use X and Y here for clarity). Being gendered without a choice is socially crippling to Baby Y, according to parent x. (Not exactly their words but mine sounds better).
So all these years, I could have been a gir/woman, boy/man and later on pick my sex? Imagine the naked girls I could have seen as I changed in their locker rooms! Or the hung men! My oh my! I’ll take that and that and that! Who the heck decided that I wanted to be male anyways? Who thought I would rather boxers over G-strings? Or be a husband instead of a wife? Or play on a boys’ team instead of a girls’? Or even be on top instead of…oh never mind. Hell, I even attend an all-boys high school!
I love this new world order. Wrong is right and right is wrong. Male is female and female is whatever it wants to be. No boundaries! I tell ya, things, they are a changing…
You seriously can’t make this stuff up. I wish you can but no you really can’t. A shepherd was so lonely that he made himself a scarecrow to keep him company. He got carried away with his invention that he also made the thing his sexual partner. And that’s where things got complicated.
The shepherd died while having sex with his scarecrow! I am not sure if he was scared to death or he probably used the scarecrow’s stake to impale himself or what but he died! And he did the deed. The good thing is that he dressed her up in wig and lipstick. I can see why he would want to do her…Lipstick and wig? hmm…
Don’t you just love it when celebs fight? It’s not like the normal fights us peons have. It’s kinda funny, stupid and dumb at the same time. And then to top it off, their twitter followers usually side with them and harass their opponents. Take Kid Rock and Beyonce for example. Apparently Kid Rock questioned The Queen Bey’s claim to success, saying that she doesn’t have a legit hit but still is uber successful. What does the Bey say? Well she didn’t have to say anything, her Beyhive did all the talking, spamming poor Kid Rock’s Twitter page and his other social media accounts. Poor Mr. Rock, indeed.
To be fair, Beyonce has earned her stripes the hard way, by being a Queen B as in…nevermind that but contrary to what the Kid said, she does have some smash classic hits, destined to go down in the annals of music history. Songs such as…nevermind that also. I am so forgetful today. Part of growing old I guess.
Beyonce is best known for being half of a Beauty And The Beast relationship. Can you guess which half she is? Kid Rock also thinks that the Bey’s body, notably her ass, is to be blamed or credited for her astounding success. Some may say it’s the Beast in her. Oops! No pun there. Still waiting for some leaked pics of her to determine what exactly is responsible for the buzz around the Bey. Oh Beyhive!
An epic and tragic example that being a model does not qualify one to be a model for smarts is this. A popular model was filming on a train track, why a train track? When he was hit by a train. Wait a damn minute! Why would you be on a train track and if you are filming, why wouldn’t the photogs alert you of the danger? They are not too bright either?
I heard that the train was actually honking its horn but the model thought that it was on a parallel track so he didn’t budge. Ok ok, wait another minute! How did they know what he thought since he was killed on the spot? And why didn’t he at least look to see if a train was coming? wtf is this? A bloody joke?
So this model was actually a big fitness model featured on countless magazines and shit but in terms of smartness he was unfit. He had brawns but no brains as they would say. He was a model idiot they would also say, meaning no disrespect to the dead man. I would say he was one determined fella who let nothing derail his career. Say what you want of him but he stayed on track till the very end. Ok enough! Read it for yourselves.
Do you know that I poke my friends’ wives? And their daughters too? If they are old enough to be on Facebook, they are old enough for poking. They are poke-able to coin a phrase. Heck, I’d poke Mark Zuckerberg too but I’m not that kind of guy.
Before you get your knickers in a tangle let’s be clear on what poke I’m talking about here. I am talking about the good ole friendly Facebook poke. What else did you think? Sicko! You guys remind me of this guy who killed his friend for poking his girlfriend. Read it here. Maybe it was her fault, maybe she didn’t explain to her bf exactly what poke she was talking about. The guy probably came home from work and his girlfriend greeted him with, “Honey, Your friend Tony poked me today.” Put that way, any man would be jealous. I am even jealous just thinking about it right now.
But that wasn’t what happened. The poor guy figured he would give his friend’s gal a little nudge. He died for that seemingly innocent nudge. As ‘Tony’ punched him to death, he repeatedly asked, ‘If you’re such a good friend then why did you poke my missus?’ I didn’t know this but apparently a poke is actually a Facebook flirt! Did you know that? Well now that puts a new spin on it. Do you know my friends’ wives flirt with me? And their daughters too. Just begging me to poke them. If they flirt with me, I will poke em. Even Mark. But I’m still not that type of guy. Homey don’t play that.
A couple of decent-looking Teachers were arrested for having a threesome with a 16 year-old male student after watching Friday night football. Maybe he was tricked into going over to their house for some private lessons. Maybe it wasn’t a trick, maybe it really was private lessons. Maybe they were working on his linguistic ability. So many maybes.
This was wrong on all counts. So wrong! Wrong for these adults to have sexual encounters with a minor and wrong for this damn kid to be so damn lucky! I had a crush on my hot English teacher in high school but not once did I even entertain the thought of having a threesome with her and say my history teacher. In fact I had no clue what a threesome was at 16 years old. Had I known then what I know now…
Back to the story, apparently all this hanky panky happened after watching NFL Friday Night Football. Not sure how that ties in but it did. I am thinking that he didn’t quarterback this arrangement. As can be expected, the boy had some problems keeping this err..uhm, lucky break, under wraps and blabbed to his friends about his accomplishment and that’s how it was made known. As if any 16 year-old would ever keep something like that a secret!
All I can say at this time is Bad teachers! and You lucky ass!
English: The words “Kanye West” in the theme of Kanye West’s “G.O.O.D. Friday” song series’ artwork. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
As further proof that Kanye thinks he is God, he tried forcing wheel-chair bound concert-goers to stand up before he drop his rhymes. ‘All hail the God!’ Apparently Kanye was less than impressed that anyone, crippled or otherwise, would dare sit while in his court.
Kanye even sent out his disciples disguised as bodyguards to see what was causing the hold up. The disciples brought him back word that a few of the holdouts were actually handicapped and couldn’t stand. Mr. West grudgingly accepted their excuses and continued on with the show. He was less than impressed. Poor Kanye.
I hope Kanye never performs at a hospital for sick kids…
Tears of a Clown (album) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
About two months ago, I drafted this post, or at least the topic. I fully intended to published it but because of its seriousness, it never made it past the topic. I did, however, kept it in my drafts awaiting the right time. Today is that time.
Now the reason why I even thought of such a brooding topic in sharp contrast to what this blog is about, was that I happened to be going through a dark period, albeit short, where I was funny on the outside but really sad and gloomy inside. I was wearing a painted on smile, like a clown. Don’t ask me why as I really don’t have a reason. Call it midlife crisis?
Why is today a good day to undraft this blog? Well today, a man who portrayed the epitome of fun and laughter died. Robin Williams was the guy whose movies you wanted to watch when you were in a funk. His face alone would make you feel that all was well with the world. The fact that someone like him who stood for funny and carefree and gave off such an aura of well-being, could have so much darkness inside that made him take his own life, is incredible and hard to grasp.
Sometimes a clown cries beneath his mask…RIP Robin Williams.