Monday Madness: Two Man Luge Rubs Me The Wrong Way

thI love the Olympics, both winter and summer.  With athletes performing at the top of their game, looking chiseled and tool, doing what they do best, it’s just awesome!  Then there’s the two-man luge.

I never paid much attention to it until last week’s even at the Sochi Olympics.  In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever watched it.  For those of you who either don’t enjoy watching the Olympics or just don’t know what a two-man luge is, it’s basically what it says.  Two men in a tiny luge. Yep, they are lying on each other.

I find it rather disturbing, this two-man luge.  (Well duh, if I didn’t I won’t be blogging about it).  If you are not gay before going down that slippery slope, after a few practice rounds you might start to entertain the idea.  Even just a wee bit.

The Mayor of Sochi who before the game proclaimed that “Sochi does not have any gays” must be rolling in his grave. Oh sorry, just been informed that he’s alive and well.  I was probably thinking of Putin. He’s alive and well too? Well never mind.  Let’s just say that those homophobes are doing a slow burn each time a well-lubed luge slide down the grease path with two men in a compromising position.  Hell, even I cringe at the sight.

With an organ that’s liable to react to the slightest friction, there’s no way another of my kind is rubbing his rump on my nether region in the name of sports.  A mixed pair I wouldn’t mind. Or even a four person team with three women and the token male to do the heavy lifting.  I hear those luge are heavy.  I wonder if the Dufour-Lapointe sisters are interested…

You win some you luge some

You win some you luge some

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What’s in a name?

The Olympics sure have its share of funny moments, don’t you agree?  There is that Bulgarian, aptly named Vania Stambelova (pronounced like ‘stumble over’), who actually lived up to her name by stumbling over a hurdle while running in the 400m heats.  Talking about apt names, how about Usain ‘The Lightning’ Bolt?  Bolt? Seriously?  What were his parents thinking?  That he would become the world’s fastest man?   Yeah right.  While on the topic of names, how about the Korean pole vaulter, Kim Yoo Suk?  I can hear the crowd chanting,  KIM YOU SUCK!  How motivating.

While watching vaulting, I heard the announcer say, ‘There are no Poles in vaulting’.  I thought, what? How could this be?  It took me a while before I realized that he meant that Poland did not have an athlete in that event…I AM KIDDING! I just felt like yanking your chain there.  Have a chuckle, will you?

What else can I say about the Olympics? Oh yeah, we, as in Canada, won gold in Trampoline, proving we have the best trampoliner in the world.  Take that China! In  your face USA!  We even got a 4th place finish too.  Wait a minute! How did we get two athletes in the top 5?  Are you saying the other countries do no take trampolining seriously? Well I’ll be damned!  Who cares, a win’s a win.  We will take it as we are in no position to argue.  Karen COCKBURN was our fourth place finisher.  Now what prompted me to capitalize her last name…  If I had that last name, I’d be seeing me a doctor.  I am thinking she should maybe have a talk with LUBA Golovina, the 7th place finisher.  She might be able to provide some relief.  In a strange twist, the winner of the men’s trampoline event was China’s Dong Dong.  Not touching that.  No! I don’t mean I am not touching dong… actually forget it.

In the weightlifting category, the Chinese are unbeatable.  Lulu Zhou set a record with her snatch.  Did that come out wrong? Snatch is the term used for weightlifting so I said it right, right? Anyways, Lulu cleans and jerks like a boss.  For some strange reason, that just sounded so wrong right there.  No puns intended if any were found.  After all, it’s only a name.