Friday Folly: The Erection Goes, I Go!

imagesMen, if you have a hard on lasting more than 24 hours, see a doctor.  If it’s the result of a botched penile surgery, sue immediately!  If it lasts 8 months, then you are just an idiot, an opportunist, or have a wife that decided to take advantage of your situation.  In this case, I think it’s the latter.  In some cases, if you have an erection that lasts more than a few hours, DON’T TELL YOUR WIFE OR GIRLFRIEND.  That’s like telling me you hid a pepperoni pan pizza somewhere in the house. I gotta get it! Or like telling a woman you have chocolate balls and a diamond dick.

It’s too bad that I did not warn the trucker from Newark who had a penile implant surgery done on him.  He is now suing the doctor that did the implant because his scrotum swelled up to the size of a basketball after 4 months and he had an erection that lasted 8 months.  Could you imagine? No, not you women.  You can’t imagine what’s it like to walk around with a loaded and aimed gun.  No wonder the wife took advantage.  She probably told him, “Don’t point that thing at me unless you plan on using it.”

So, the point of contention by the defendant’s lawyer is why didn’t this man come back after his balls became, well a big ball?  He couldn’t! He was threatened by his wife!  Here’s the guy with a blessing and a curse at the same time.  He could please his wife whenever she wants and for that, who cares about a little swelling in the sack area?

“Lose the erection and lose me, you selfish jerk!  You can finally satisfy my needs and you come up with this lame excuse?  Well, the erection goes, I go!”  That was probably her response when her poor swollen-balls husband mentioned that he wanted to get the surgery reversed.  The fact that she could now have sex and play a game of volleyball without leaving the bedroom couldn’t hurt either. So yes, she busted his balls over it.

Luckily for the guy, women are easily bored and after 8 months, she grew tired of seeing her husband as a prick.  She was probably not exactly the sports type either so playing volleyball quickly bored the heck out of her.  So one day she said to him,  “Honey, I’m not sure how to say this but I think your balls are swollen.  They are BIG! And I mean BIG!  You should go back and see that doctor who gave you the surgery.  You might want to see if he could do something for that permanent erection too.  It’s a pain in the ass.”

For 8 months, the guy couldn’t take his kid to school for fear of arousing suspicions and being labeled a pedophile.  Couldn’t stand in lines or get a massage, couldn’t go to the beach, couldn’t lie on his stomach…Heck, the guy couldn’t enjoy his kid playing on his lap!

And that’s when the trucker decided it was time to go see his lawyer.

Man, I would so switch with you!

Man, I would so switch with you!

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A Long Standing Member of The Penile Family

English: Jonah Falcon

English: Jonah Falcon (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This morning on the local rock radio station, the dj’s were making fun of a guy who was blessed, or cursed, with a 13″ penis.  Yes, you heard me right.  The man had a penis to make an elephant jealous.  Alright, that’s a bit much, the elephant comparison I meant.  His penis is peanuts to an elephant’s.  Anyways he had a huge member. Still does.

So curious me, I went and scoured the internet to read more about this phenom.  Apparently, he’s been in the news since the early 2000s and was featured in talk shows and HBO specials. All because of his penis.  (So if this is old news to you, pardon my ignorance.)  Jonah Falcon, and if that name doesn’t scream to be in  porn then I don’t know porn, has also been stopped at airports due to the significant bulge in his pants.  “Sir! Sir!  Yes you there with the bulge.  Are you packing?”
“No ma’am, it’s just my penis.  I can show you but you will have to stand back.  No, farther than that.”  Ah, the poor guy and his penile weapon.

Some more facts about Jonah’s penis.  Flaccid, it’s only 9.5″ but sitting up straight, a respectful 13.5″.  He claims that his foreskin can completely cover a door knob.  Which door knob did he use? Good thing I wash my hands after handling door knobs.  Jonah is also single.  At least last time I checked.  He’s having some problem finding like receptacle to accommodate him.  He is also bisexual but that wouldn’t change that he still has to find an accommodating partner.  I also think Jonah chooses to pee out of a window than take the chance of getting his tip dipped in urine by using a toilet.

Jonah is also an actor and should they do a movie based on my life as a player, I would choose him to be my body double.

Good luck, Jonah!