The Token Black Guy

Did I tell you I had a new job? Well I did and if I didn’t then it probably wasn’t your business anyways. But yes, I did. And out of over 200 employees in the big office of this big company, I happen to be the only black guy. Or gal. Or thing.

Am I complaining? Heck no! I love the attention. All of a sudden I’m the cool dude in the workplace.  I can just see the husbands and boyfriends telling their girlfriends and wives about this cool black guy who is working with them. Or vice versa.  Now I’m not sure if I am the token black guy or what happened to the others, if there were others. Lynched? Just kidding! Why the serious face?

Anyways, I want you to remain tight-lipped on this.  I don’t want the good reverend Jesse Jackson and that other guy there, hmm… can’t remember his name, showing up at my work screaming racism. No sir. I am enjoying my new-found status. I am loving this.  Don’t hate!

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It Takes Balls To Cheat. Really Big Ones

English: Close-up picture of billiard balls

English: Close-up picture of billiard balls (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Women, did you know that if your boyfriend/husband has big testicles he is likely to be a dog?  Well a cheater that is.  Yeah, that’s what a recent survey says.

The survey, here, states that men who have large testicles are more prone to cheating.  Gimme one sec, brb…talk amongst yourself.  Ok, I am not a cheater.  I checked.  Maybe a tiny bit but that could also be due to something else.  Maybe when I got kicked in the groin by my ex when she found out that I…wait a minute! Oh never mind! Damn, the survey was right!

How does big sacs and cheating go together? Glad you asked.  Well as you know, the bigger the sack, the more it holds right?  Following me so far?  Now that means it holds more. More what?  Don’t be so slow, more semen! What else? Christmas presents?  You think this is Santa’s sack or something?  Anyways, more semen apparently mean us big ballers need more avenues to empty our sack.  Once in a while with our wives just don’t cut the mustard. No sir. Makes total sense, doesn’t it?  You could say yes buddy, your wife’s not watching.

So men, what are you waiting for?  sneak a look at them balls before your woman does.  You know how they could be when cheating is even remotely mentioned.  “Look at the size of your effing balls!! You cheating on me, aren’t you?  You effing cheater! I know I couldn’t trust you!  You better grab your shit and drag your semen-filled bags out of my house!” It’s not going to be pretty.  Not that your ginormous balls are a thing of beauty either.

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What’s Your Excuse, Big Boy?

feb06a8d-e7ad-495d-8841-d859157ac54f_What-s-Your-ExcuseWomen are mad! No no, I don’t mean you women/chicks/ladies are nuts.  That’s a whole different blog.  I am talking about women being mad over the photo posted on Facebook by a hot mother of three.  She had the nerve to post a hot pic of herself looking sexy as hell, with the caption, ‘What’s your excuse’.  I am not sure what she meant by that but I couldn’t think of one excuse for ogling her photo. Not even having a wife and kids was a good enough excuse.

Ok, I know she wasn’t talking to me.  She probably wasn’t talking to you too but some saw it as an attempt to belittle, pardon the pun, fat people.  I don’t see it that way.  Jeez, Jillian Michaels and all the other slave driver excuses for trainers say the same thing all the time and no one takes exceptions.  Don’t believe me? Watch Biggest Losers.  Heck, they are even calling fat people losers!!! Somebody better organize a protest. Do it now while I go peruse Maria Kang’s Facebook page.

Back to Ms. Hottie. So she’s posing in a nice workout bra complemented by matching micro shorts. Her rock hard abs are to die for as are her arms.  To some, she might be regarded as a MILF. (not to me, I’m married with kids).

If you are one of those who took exceptions to this photo and feel that it was a personal barb at you, don’t be.  As a matter of fact, what’s your excuse?

Monday Madness: Women Cruise Convertible Style In Vancouver

go-topless-day-282In Vancouver yesterday, men forsook the boob tube and instead took in some real boobs as women bared their tops in the name of gender equality.  In case you are wondering what that means, it means that some women are not happy that us men are allowed to let our tits hang out while they have to keep theirs covered.  I agree!  I am sure that my man boobs does not equate to the same thing as a woman’s but hey…

Now I have a small confession, you see when I’m bored I sometimes look at chests.  Women’s chests. YES BOOBS!  Jeez, you just had to make me say it, didn’t you? Anyways yes I do. Most of the times they are on the computer and I have to pay for them.  Could you imagine the breast buffet if women are allowed to bare arms breasts?  Man I could see the real thing! I don’t have to sit for hours on my puter.  I will be like a vet, “Show me those puppies, ma’am.”

Too bad women were too chicken back in my day.  They would never have given thought to such ridiculousness.  Show my breasts?  No effing way!  Heck, even my girlfriends didn’t take theirs out unless it was pitch dark in my bedroom.  This is indeed a giant step for mankind.  Oh and womankind too.  These brave women deserve a good chest bump.  From me of course, who else?

Hey, but have you noticed that the women participating in these things are usually the ones you would rather not see?  Just an observation.  And what’s with those who put pasties on their nipples?  (see pic above). Come on woman!  Are you in this or not?  It’s all or nothing.  Have you ever seen a convertible with its roof half down? NO.  Then smarten up and let it all hang out!  It’s for a good cause.  What’s it for again??

Disclaimer:  I was just kidding about looking at breasts on the computer.  I don’t.  Well not unless they are looking at me first.  I am married, remember?  To a woman who is not afraid to show me her puppies when it’s not dark.

 

 

Read this with or without panties

English: A pair of white panties with hearts o...

If you are a woman reading this, chances are you are commando.  Well, thanks to a new poll, I have a 50/50 chance of being bang on.  For those of you who have no clue what going commando means, it’s going sans undies.  No not bra-less, panty-less.  So, are you? Just kidding, you don’t have to share that delicate and personal information with me.  Heck, we barely know each other. (So, are you?)  Actually we don’t know each other.  (But, are you though?) So then, should you even be reading my blogs without panties? It just sounds a bit kinky (And depending who you are, a bit hot) but maybe it’s just me.  Would you like to know I’m blogging in the buff or talking to you on the phone while I lie there in the nude? (And, are you?)

Why am I blogging about panties? Well today I read the following on The Examiner’s website and it piqued by interest.

In less than a day, the number of poll respondents of panty versus commando has more than tripled!

The nonscientific survey regarding women wearing undies to bed that has been live forsix days now has panty wearers and those women who choose to shed their pantiesbefore sleep in a dead heat!

40% of women have answered the simple survey as panty wearers while another 40% say they prefer to bare their bottom in bed.

Seven and a half percent claim to only wear panties on special occasions – seems fair to say that those women probably shop at Victoria’s Secret or Frederick’s of Hollywood.

The remaining 12.5% claim to either not know what sleep is or not know what panties are.

Take the survey here: Do you wear panties or go to bed commando?

The poll will be open until midnight December 31st, 2012.

Somewhere in a cold and dark basement, there’s a naked guy awaiting your answer to this poll.  Eagerly.  Somewhere out there, anywhere, everywhere, there’s a woman enjoying a nice cool southerly breeze…And Victoria Secret is yelling, NOOO!!

Oh, and you never answered my question.  So, are you?

Related:

http://www.examiner.com/article/women-that-go-sans-panties-now-dead-heat-with-those-that-wear-undies-to-bed?CID=obnetwork