Weird And Random Thoughts On A Lunch Stroll

imagesI started walking on my lunch breaks to get away from my desk and get some much-needed exercise.  It is going great! Kinda lonely, but I have my thoughts to keep me company.  I found that some of these thoughts were strange, weird, random and on the crazy side.   Here are yesterday’s thoughts from my stroll…

Great day for walking.  I will do about an hour today.  Should I put my cell in my pocket or hold it in my hand?  Ok, pocket it is.  Nah, hand is better.  Looks cooler.  Car keys in other hand.  Now we are good to go. Hey!  That blonde just checked me out!  And another! And another!  I must look not-too-bad.  Shit! Did I remember to suck my gut in and square my shoulders?  Can’t remember.  Look at the legs/ass on that girl in the shorts…oh nevermind, just some teenie girl trying to look older than she is.  What’s with these young girls today?  Should I turn here? No, go on a bit more. It’s still early into the walk.  Here is perfect!  Where the heck am I?  Holy shit! I walked far! I still have to get back to my car. Uh huh…I want to go poo pee bad!

I have been walking behind this lady now for the last 20 minutes.  I hope she doesn’t think I’m following her.  I am dressed for styling/work, not walking.  I must look idiotic.  Oh swing those arms! Look like you are walking! You are passing by a school!  You don’t want to be mistaken for a pervert.  Let them know you are just getting your exercise in.  What’s this world coming to anyways?  A grown man can’t casually stroll by a school without feeling self-conscious?  Ok, I am done with this walking.

Why is that woman sitting on the grass?  Why is that girl lying on the grass? Reading or texting?  Must be texting, young people don’t read anymore.  I seriously want to pee but I just need to get back to my car and get to work. I can pee there.  I should pee behind that tree but with my luck, that blogger chick who blogged about seeing too many penises would see mine and blog about it.  I.am.seriously.done.

How come I’m the only idiot walking anyways?  So many people yet I’m the only exerciser? Nice bike in that yard. I wonder what they would do if I just took it and ride away…Ok, where the hell is my car?  It’s almost an hour! I always do this crap.  Go walking and forget that I have to walk back.  Oh, there it is, just a block away…finally! Now to go back to work and blog about it.

 

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That ‘Gym’ Look

Have you ever loitered outside a gym? Maybe Shapes? Come on, you can admit it, we are all friends here on WordPress.  Anyways, I haven’t either.  Well not exactly loitered, maybe spent longer than necessary but nothing deserving a call to the local police to have me removed.

Recently, I was outside the Shapes gym in my area, minding my own business.  OF COURSE I WAS! HOW DARE YOU DOUBT ME AND QUESTION MY MOTIVES? Have you ever looked at the people going into and coming out of Shapes? It’s usually Shapes since it’s one of the top class gyms around.  And I don’t mean leer, I meant look, like the way I was looking.

I saw a guy walking towards the door.  He had this look on his face that said, “Yeah, look at me, I’m heading in there for a heavy workout. I pump iron.” He walked with a swagger and an attitude.  He glanced around a few times to make sure he was seen getting into a gym.

Behind Mr. muscle-head, came a hot looking number clad in lulu lemon workout gear. She walked with a brisk determination towards the door.  Her walk said, “I can’t wait to get in there and do my shit and get out.” or maybe, ‘Whose that idiot sitting in the car?’

I saw chicks walked in looking like they were on a runway, some had so much makeup, their facial muscle had to be been hard from lifting all that weight. I saw guys strut in looking like King Shit. Or just a gay Arnold. Is that what gyms do to people?

Driving away, well even a stalker must leave sometime, I noticed blondie to my left getting ready to get into her car after a hard workout.  I know it was hard because her lulu-lemon-clad butt testified to that. She saw me looking and flashed me ‘the look’.  It’s the look that said, ‘Haul your lazy ass in there and get in shape instead of sitting around out here watching us! You little pervert!” Honestly babe, it’s not like that, you see I was just in the neighborhood and…and…nevermind.