Who Said Pimpin Ain’t Easy?

Pimp Jesus

Pimp Jesus (Photo credit: larrykang)

Well pimpin sure isn’t what it used to be.  Remember when they told us that ‘pimpin ain’t easy’ and made us believe that it was ‘cold out there for a pimp’?  Things have since changed or they lied to us.  Pimping is a piece of cake.  Heck, even a kid could do it.

You still don’t believe me? Well meet…nevermind, I can’t write her name as she’s underage. Heck, so are her employees. Yeah, I know.  You are thinking that if she could do the crime then she could face the music.  Tell that to the justice system.  Anyways, she was sentenced to three years for pimping, child porn and other sex-related offences normally associated with adults.  The kids are definitely taking over.  Or pimpin ain’t as hard as it once was.

As of this blog, I unearthed a few other cases of young girls who in true entrepreneurial spirit, have tried their hands at running a pimping business. Just google ‘Teen arrested for prostitution’ and you would see what I am talking about.  Teen pimps everywhere.  Forget teen moms, teen pimps are the next big thing.  Hide your kids, hide your wives, hell, hide your husbands too cause they are pimpin everybody out here!

It’s no longer cold out there for a pimp.  What’s up, Playa?

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Pimpin Ain’t Easy But Think Of The Money, Man.

th-5I am exactly what you are looking for.  I would do whatever you want, whenever you want and however you want it.  I have a lot of experience but willing to learn.  The last person I was with, I lasted a long long time.  I left because it was no longer working out.  Take me!

Looking for work is like pimping out yourself, isn’t it?  You go to these interviews and try to sell yourself.  I am great! I am good! I would do whatever you have to do to convince employers that you are what their company needs and you are better than the next candidate.  Sometimes you have to twist the truth just a tad to gain that edge.  Ok, maybe sometimes even more than a tad. If so, it’s up to you to live up to that hype if and when you get hired.

Saying this, I guess I’m really good at pimping as I did an awesome job and finally landed a job. I’m back in the employment business! Can I get a whoop whoop!?  Well hear this…

I have never worked for a family business before.  I have always worked for companies that were all over the globe or at least North America.  I wasn’t expecting how different it was.  The good thing was that the pay was an increase from my last job.

On my first day, I was told I had to sign in.  What the eff is that?  I thought.  Then as I stood at the punch clock trying to figure out what the hell to do with the card in my hand bearing my name, the accountant came to my rescue.  “It’s easy.  Just put it in like this then push that.”  It was easy.

Finding a clean washroom was harder.  There were two and they were both cringe worthy.  Dirty sinks, over-flowing garbage, dirty floors.  I was scared to touch anything.  I asked the accountant who was now my best friend, if they needed a cleaning company.  “Oh we are so small that we dont go through that much garbage.  We have someone come in once a week.”  Hmmm…O.K…

At my last work, I was a spoiled coffee brat.  Enjoying different flavours of coffees with a reckless abandon, with flavoured creamers.  No such thing here.  A coffee pot sat on a brewer, filled with cheap Maxwell House coffee.  Close by were containers of powdered coffee mate.  All stuff I never touch.  I was aghast but hid it well.  Ahhhh…Coffee! I said out loud as I spotted the thing in the corner.

To sum it up, I had to squeeze my lunch in a corner of a small bar fridge shared by everyone else and washed my cup in the bathroom sink as there was no actual lunch room, hence no sink.  In fact the coffee maker had to share table space with the fax machine.  Think of the money…think of the money…Oh and in the interview don’t forget the guy said they are like family here. I love family.

The kicker was the breaks, especially the lunch breaks.  There was nowhere to go so everyone stayed at their desks working through their given 15 minutes breaks.  Lunch was no different.  I didn’t want to be interrupted during my sacred time so I took my lunch to my car and ate it there.  I went to the boss and asked if I could just tag my two 15 minute breaks unto my lunch so I could have an hour lunch.  He said it was ok as long as I let them know first.  Say what? Think of the money, man. The money!!

Ok, I’m still there so you are wondering what’s the upside.  Well except for two women, it’s an All-Men work place.  No teenagers with hangovers from partying, no drama queens, no gossipy old lady, no bosses with god complex.  It’s close to home but far from any shopping malls or stores which means less spending on my lunch break.  The work is almost exactly what I did in my last stint and the guys are actually not bad to work with and for.  One fella has been there for 30 years enjoying the perks,or lack of.  So I think I will live and when it gets bad all I have to do is think of the money, man, think money!