Not Tonight Dear, I’ve Been Busting Hookers All Day.

Don't wait up, Hon.  It's gonna be a long night

Don’t wait up, Hon. It’s gonna be a long night

In Hawaii, it’s not only legal for the local constabulary to have sex with prostitutes but also a part of the arresting process.  Like dipping your dipstick to determine whether or not your oil needs changing.  Before they could make an arrest that can stand, they have to make doubly sure that the lady-of-the-night is indeed a…night walker?

Apparently there’s a waiting list of civilians of all ages wanting to get on the force.  There’s also a long list of policemen who are begging to be put on the hooker-busting beat.  Pick me! Pick me! One veteran was once overheard bragging to his buddies that he busted 10 hookers in one night!

As I blogged, this bit of luxury was being threatened as lawmakers seek to ban the practice of cops dipping their night sticks into hookers’ tank.  “You don’t have to taste an apple to make sure it’s an apple” They argued.  Well they probably didn’t but I’m saying they did.

The spoiled Hawaiian policemen are fighting back for their right to bear arms. Oops, sorry. Not their rights to bear arms, their rights to bust hookers by bedding them.  “Why not?” They argued. “How else could we be sure they would go all the way?” Cops insisted that they must be free not just to receive blowjobs and handjobs from prostitutes but also to engage in vaginal and anal intercourse with them.

I investigated…Ok, maybe I didn’t really investigate but I inquired.  Ok, didn’t do that either.  Well bug off and leave me alone already, I am trying to make a point here! I concluded, there, that’s a better choice of word. I concluded that there are no lineups for male cops wanting to test the gay male hookers for authenticity.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Ok, enough wasting time, where do I sign up to bust hookers? Never mind, I can make citizens arrest, can’t I?

Me practicing my arresting procedure:  Uh, um, how much is it for your services, ma’am? Er, woman..Lady?

Hooker: $100 for the works?

Me: I’ll take it…yeah, the works.  Oh yeah baby! Oh baby! This feels sooo good! Oh gosh am I supposed to be enjoying this? Shit! I think I’m gonna…Yessss!  Sorry ma’am. You are under arrest.  Just let me clean up a bit here and you should also put some clothes on.  Oh by the way, you are good at what you do.

Shame on you, you dirty hooker! Take this!

Shame on you, you dirty hooker! Take this!

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Things to do at red lights and train crossings

th (2)People are always complaining about traffic lights.  Red lights and trains, they are just too long, they are annoying, they cause stress…  I live in a city that has trains crisscrossing across the streets and highways and traffic lights thrown in apparently at random.  Maybe there was a sale on traffic lights but it sure makes for a stressful commute at times.  Because of this, I had to come up with ways to de-stress and make use of these waiting times.

One of the things I do is I text.  Yep, I text.  Not texting and driving! Stopping and texting is ok.  I read and reply to texts while waiting for a train to go by.  Before I know it, it’s gone!  Right in the middle of composing a message too!  Then I end up being forced to text while driving.  Just kidding!  Don’t hate. If you don’t have friends, you can use your smartphone to just browse the internet.  Nothing makes time go by like surfing.  Make sure to keep an eye on the train or you will get honked at.

Reading a book or magazine is good too. So keep some reading material in the car for these moments.  Nothing to deep, just light stuff. Playboys and Hustlers are not recommended as they could lead to unwanted behavior. I don’t have time to read as I am usually on my phone surfing or sending texts.

How about grabbing a shut-eye?  If you are a power napper like I am, you could sneak in a quick nap while waiting for that long freight train to go by.  I won’t recommend it at a red light.

These methods have been tested and tried by me.  They work so well that at times, I am wishing that the train would keep on rolling.  Take your time mr. train, take your time…

Say ‘cheese’ and hand over your purse!

This image shows a Nikon D200 camera with a Ni...

If you go to Winnipeg, Canada, don’t be alarmed if you see a rough-looking thug approaching you and ready to shoot. A photo that is.

In an effort to curb rising violence involving firearms, city police are turning to something unusual, offering cameras for guns.  Turn in your Glock and get a Minolta.  Sounds like a fair trade to me but it wreaks havoc on a thug’s street cred.  “Yo homes, what you packing, man?”  “I got me a 35 with telescopic lens.”  “Wow man! That sounds sick! Who makes that shit?”  “Nikon, bro.”

I am hoping there are some thugs out there who were just in the business because they were trying to make money to buy themselves a camera so they could live out their dreams of becoming a photographer.  You never know, right?  At least they already have the ‘point and shoot’ down pat.

Police are pointing out that gun owners are not to take their guns to camera shops for the exchange.  Apparently it creates a hostile environment and can maybe scare the crap out of the store keeper.