A Long Standing Member of The Penile Family

English: Jonah Falcon

English: Jonah Falcon (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This morning on the local rock radio station, the dj’s were making fun of a guy who was blessed, or cursed, with a 13″ penis.  Yes, you heard me right.  The man had a penis to make an elephant jealous.  Alright, that’s a bit much, the elephant comparison I meant.  His penis is peanuts to an elephant’s.  Anyways he had a huge member. Still does.

So curious me, I went and scoured the internet to read more about this phenom.  Apparently, he’s been in the news since the early 2000s and was featured in talk shows and HBO specials. All because of his penis.  (So if this is old news to you, pardon my ignorance.)  Jonah Falcon, and if that name doesn’t scream to be in  porn then I don’t know porn, has also been stopped at airports due to the significant bulge in his pants.  “Sir! Sir!  Yes you there with the bulge.  Are you packing?”
“No ma’am, it’s just my penis.  I can show you but you will have to stand back.  No, farther than that.”  Ah, the poor guy and his penile weapon.

Some more facts about Jonah’s penis.  Flaccid, it’s only 9.5″ but sitting up straight, a respectful 13.5″.  He claims that his foreskin can completely cover a door knob.  Which door knob did he use? Good thing I wash my hands after handling door knobs.  Jonah is also single.  At least last time I checked.  He’s having some problem finding like receptacle to accommodate him.  He is also bisexual but that wouldn’t change that he still has to find an accommodating partner.  I also think Jonah chooses to pee out of a window than take the chance of getting his tip dipped in urine by using a toilet.

Jonah is also an actor and should they do a movie based on my life as a player, I would choose him to be my body double.

Good luck, Jonah!

 

 

 

 

Fifty Shades Of Black

My wife just finished reading the book Fifty Shades Of Grey and I have just completed…nevermind.  None o’ yer bizness what I just completed.  But anyways she did read all the books that all the women are reading or have read.  Even my friends who are in none-ogamous relationships are getting their reads on.  I am not sure what they are going to do with the knowledge that great, crazy, fantastic, multiple-orgasm-inducing sex is out there to be had.  Sex toys sale just went through the roof, people!

From the running commentary that I was getting from my wife as she read, I realized that I am no Mr. Grey and won’t be anytime soon.  So instead, she’ll be getting Fifty Shades Of Black.  (I’m black, you got it?).   I admit, I did try to read a couple sentences.  Why not? Curiosity is my middle name.  It was a smorgasbord of sex! In all colors, not just grey.  Poorly written but reeking of sex, and sex sells.    And porn blogs get the hits.

This books were such a phenomenon that people were actually lending it to their moms to read after they were done.  I can’t imagine lending my mom anything that had the remotest link to sex.  Call me old fashioned but I don’t roll like that.  “Oh hey Mommy, I just finished reading this book that just about every other woman has read.  It has tons of crazy, wild sex.  This guy is insatiable, mommy. He gets this chick to be like his sex slave and she does whatever he wants.  Here, borrow it and we will discuss it when you are done with it.  Love you, mommy.‘  That sounded wrong on all fronts.  Heck, I shouldn’t have even got it for my wife.  But I did and must now face the consequences.

I have to run now, the wife is calling me from upstairs, scantily clad and dangling a pair of handcuffs…I’m so tired but must do what a man must do.  I’ll be right up, honey.  I’m just on the phone with your mom. We are discussing that book you just read.’

Porn. Blog.

Penny Flame

If I deceived you with the topic of this blog, I am sorry.  There will be no porn here, well sort of.  You see, the thing is, I noticed that of all the darn blogs I wrote, the two that got the most likes were on Porn, read here and Blogging, read here.  So I gather that in order for me to duplicate this huge and historic success, I would have to write about porn and about blogging, hence the topic.

Here’s the porn side of things, a few days ago, I got an email in my hotmail junk folder.  At first it sounded like someone I knew so I read it a few times. Then I realized it was a new strategy designed to get the mail recipient to visit a person’s porn website.  Here is the email and no, I did not visit her site but you could or would.

BABE… i guess your not getting any of my email huh? ive been

tryign to email u so many times but this dam laptop is such a piece of

garbage and keeps freezing.. anyways how u been?

 

In case u dont know who this is its ME Adriana.. we used to chat a bit

on facebook and then I think u deleted me 😦 haha.. anyways guess what…

I got 2 things to tell u.. both good news.. 1) im single now.. yup me

and my bf broke up about 3 months ago… and 2) guess where im moving?

RIGHT EFFING NEAR U.. lol… ur actually the only person im gonna know

there.. well 3 cousins too but i cant chill with them lol..

 

I remember when we chatted u told me u thought i was cute and u wanted

to chill so now we finally can HAHA! im kinda scared to move.. im hoping

this email addy is still the one you use and u can chat with me ebfore

i get there.. maybe even help me move my shit in…are u still on facebook?

i coudnt find ui was soo confused…anyways im gonna need someone to show

me the town and take me out so u better be around bebe…

 

i wanted to get ot know u better when i was single..and i thoguth u were

cute too but cudnt tell u cause i wasnt single lol…ok so more info about

me.. well im 23.. virgo.. love the outdoors and love to socialize, go out for

drinks, restaurants, movies etc.. travel.. i have a lil kitty named BOO and i luv

her to death… uhhh oh im a super horny gurl too but every gurl is they just wont

admit it. so ilove watching p0rn and all that.. love sex etc blah blah blah…who doesnt..

 

I really hope we get a chance to chat for a bit either online or on the

fone before i get there enxt week.. i hope u remmeber me and still wanna

chill and arent married yet lol.. OH YA also.. i need to find a job when

i get there..

 

id LOVE to work in a bar or osmehting like that…really anythgin cause my current

job is fun and all.. and technically i CUD keep doign it but i want a change.. i

currently work from home and well thats cool but i need ot be out

meeting people.. oh wait. i dont think i ever actually told u what i

did? hmm shud i……???? ok WELLLL… and dont get all weirded out

on me.. i work on a webcam chat community site and i get paid to chat

with people and get naked HHAHA… BOMB right :)? I KNOW.. like i

figure iim horny anyways why not get paid to chat with people and play

with myself heheh…anyways i hope u dont look down on that and NO

THATS NOT WHY IM CONTACTING U RELAX URSELF lol… i actually need

help once i move and i remembered u live there so im reaching out….like i

said before this computer is a complete piece of CRAP and freezes NON

STOP.. ive tried ot send this email to u maybe 3 times already and im

hopign this time i can hit SEND before i run into trouble lol..

 

ANYWAYS.. heres the deal….every month natalie (my boss) gives each

of us 3 VIP codes to give out to whoever we want.. so with this code u

can lgoin to watch me at work for free and dont have to pay like

everyone else… the only way i can give u one of the codes (so we can

chat) is if you absolutey DO NOT give it out to anyone else and u ONLY

USE IT FOR URSELF… i only get 3 a month and she gets pissed if more

than 3 people use them so DONT SHARE IT MISTER… i figured u cud

always email me back instead but my email account doesnt even let me

login half the time.. so the bets palce ot chat me is my chat room…

 

if theres anyone else logged in when u sign in ill boot them out.. but

remember DONT SHARE THIS PASSWORD PLEASE BABE IM BEGGING U..

I TRUST U… im online most of the day now to try and save money for my move..

also since im in such a huge debt already form my student loan 😦 I

really thingk we need to chat before i get there and make sure u evern

remember me hahha.. anyways ive rambled on and on now and ur probably

soooo annnoyed with me so ill stop now.. im gonna go start work.. i

really hope u come chat me. it wud make my day and releive a lot of my

stress about the move… REALLY i mean that….anyways once i see u in

insdie ill shoot u myc ell number and u can gimme yours.. if u dont

 

wanna come chat i understand but its really the only palce to find me

now days.. if u email me abck ill probably get it once i get there

after my internet is setup so about 2-3 weeks fomr now.. but im hopign

to see u in my chat room.. rmemeber its 100% free with this code im

gonna give u.. just DONT GIVE IT OUT OR ILL KICK U IN THE BALLS

INSTEAD OF LICK U IN THE BALLS WHEN IS EE U hahahahha…k babe im out

for now… chat ya soon.. kisses xoxo Adriana

FREE VIP BYPASS LINK ------>> http://1932312368.s3-website-us-west-1.amazonaws.com/  

And that's when I knew it was not legit.  I did not click the link and you shouldn't too but if you feel the need...

Lost In A Porn Maze

My new friend, Sophy

Recently, while  on a torrent site searching for a movie to download,  I noticed a small chat window had opened up on my screen.   In the video box, a young, scantily clad hussy was trying to get my attention.  “Hey, I can see you there.  Are you lonely tonight?  Let’s chat”.  What?!  How did that happen?  I swear I was not soliciting.  How the heck can she even see me?  I hastily checked my camera to made sure it was not accidentally turned on, then I did the right thing.

I clicked on the ‘close window’ button.   I bet you thought I engaged her in conversation huh?  If you did, thanks for thinking so highly of me.  With a wife and three kids, it’s hard to be that lonely.  Anyways, to my horror and surprise, another and much bigger window opened up as soon as  I clicked ‘close’.  They brought out the big guns this time.  Upped the ante so to speak.

This new page had pics of various girls in inviting poses, wearing nothing but inviting smiles.  Ok, so you want to play rough?  I went to  ‘window’, ‘close all’.  ‘Are you sure you want to navigate away from this page?’  An option box asked me.   You bet your ass I do!  Right now, before my wife or kids come in the room! I again did the right thing and pressed ‘YES’.  The window closed.

Now back to my torrent search.  What the…? What’s this now?  Instead of a torrent site, there was now a live chat girl sitting in front of her computer as natural as could be.  She had that girl-next-door look and for a second I hesitated.  Ok two seconds.  Well maybe a minute or two, who’s counting?  I just wanted to make sure she was real,  yes she, not they.   Then for what I hoped was the final time, I clicked ‘close’.  This time there were no other window on my screen but my torrent  window.  I minimized it to make sure there were no more girls lurking behind my window ready to pounce on poor, innocent me.

Readers, all I wanted to do was download Aladin for my kids. I never expected to navigate through a porn field to get at it.   So you be careful out there.  Well unless you do enjoy a good porn on the cub.  Ladies, don’t think you are exempt, there are hot black men hiding behind your window as we speak, wondering if you are lonely tonight and want to chat.  Aha! I saw you look!  I didn’t mean THAT window, you horn dog!