It’s Just A Sperm Sample, Officer.

imagesTo me, one of the most degrading moments in my experiences with doctors has to be the time when I had to take a sperm sample.  It trumped walking down hospital halls with my rear end exposed in those less-than flattering robes with the split down the backside.  Or the front, depending on how you wear it. Trumps being fondled while I turn to the side and coughed.  Even trumped getting a suddenly gigantic-seeming Q-tip inserted into my suddenly too-small urethra opening in my penis.  Yes.  It was downright degrading and embarrassing.

It all started when I had my Vasectomy.  As a follow-up to make sure that no swimmers were making it pass the dam, I had to take a sperm sample for testing.  That in itself is not that bad.  After all what’s one more masturbation, right?  What was bad was that I had to do it while at work and it had to be in the winter.

There was a window of time that I had to get the sample to the lab by or else it would be worthless.  (Hence the ‘at work’).  So there I was in my workplace washroom trying to conjure up dirty thoughts but all I could think of was the people just outside the bathroom door.  I work in a construction business, not hot girls here.  I thought to myself,  If they only knew what I’m doing right now...The sound of their voices did nothing to enhance the mood.

Finally, after much coaxing, I was able to procure the reluctant visitor and held him for questioning.  I placed it under my shirt and close to my body to maintain body temperature and hurried to my car.  As I drove to the lab, I was hoping that I would find a close parking, I wouldn’t fall and I wouldn’t be pulled over.  Thankfully, none of those happened.

At the counter, it was awkward opening my jacket like a street peddler and extracting my ware.  I read the woman’s face as she took it from me.  Hmmm….so, where and how did you get this?  What dirty thoughts ran through your mind?  Did you use a magazine?  Did you think of Jennifer Aniston nude?   As she took it, I felt a bit sorry and apologetic for her, not sure why.

Maybe I’m a prude after all.  I am not a new-cummer or as they say, a Johnny Cum-Lately but that ordeal left me with a bad taste in my mouth.  Pardon the comparison. I didn’t relish being forced to play with myself to orgasm.  I felt raped but by my own hands.

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