Don’t you just hate it? You are all warm and cozy and enjoying your sleep like good sex, you reach down to pull the receding blankets up to your shoulders and as you do, the darn alarm goes off! A pre-mature ejaculation of epic proportions! You thought you were in the middle of the best sleep of your life but unknowingly, it was about to end abruptly. No warning. Just Beep! Beep! Beep!…
Yesterday I read an eye-popping story of a young man who was born as a she but didn’t feel too comfortable in the ‘she’ skin so he changed to a ‘he’ Well, well, well…This guy got my vote on being the hottest pre-transgender and post-transgender human I’ve ever seen! So hot that I had a crush on both of them! And they say I’m straight…
Anyways, as I read the story and saw how beautiful he was before the sex change, I got to wondering if when he looks back on the photos of him as a her in lingerie, does it excite his fancy? Would it? Should it? Or would it feel incestuous? I dunno but I would like to know. Anyone? Bueller?
One of the most common reasons people give for choosing to change sex is that they just didn’t feel they were living as they were supposed to. They were living a lie so to speak. So here’s another of my questions, if as a woman, they had the mind of a man, how does that work for masturbation? Or do they even do it? Ok, I am getting confused and maybe a tad hot and bothered, but if you know the answers to any or all of these questions, drop me a line. I would be happy to hear from you. And you there young fella, do whatever makes you feel happy.
Please read the story here and see what I’m talking about.
She was having second thoughts about this. It was her first time after all. She’s seen it done on TV and heard people talk about it and how painful it could be. Now it was her turn and as she reclined waiting for him to come into the room, she wasn’t sure she could go through with it. In fact she was sure she didn’t.
He walked in, his instrument held in his hand and pointing upwards. As he approached her, she could see a tiny bead of liquid on the tip. She looked away. “Don’t worry, I will try to be gentle.” He said reassuringly. “I have done many times.” She knew he recently did it to her mom and her sisters but it didn’t make her feel any better.
Then he leaned in. The thing was inches from touching her. She recoiled. “No, please I don’t think I can do this!” In a calm voice he said, “Don’t worry, I won’t take long and I promise it would be done before you know it.” He produced a wipe and dabbed at the area. She felt a coldness on her skin then before she could say anything else, he plunged it in her!
Before she knew it, he pulled it out, stood up and smiled at her. “I told you I won’t be long. It wasn’t that bad now, was it? There might be a little blood but nothing to worry about.” He patted her head. “You were a brave girl. I will see you in a year for your next flu shot.”
A few weeks ago, while downtown, I happened to be walking behind a couple of ‘well-dressed’ women out for night of party. As they walked, their hands were busy trying to keep their much-too-short dresses that looked more like a shirt, from giving passers-by an accidental sneak peak. Fortunately for them, they were successful. Unfortunately for them, their luck didn’t hold when it came to their shoes.
These women were wearing shoes with stilt-like heels. All of a sudden, one of them had an ankle that decided it wanted to get closer to the ground. The young woman wanted none of that and fought to resist this upstarted ankle. She over corrected and next thing you know, she is fighting with both ankles, stumbling like a drunken sailor, this way and that until she finally got within arm’s reach of a railing which she hung on to for dear life. Not to be outdone, her friend’s ankles decided to do the same thing and she too ended up sharing the railing with her friend. A smile creased my face as I walked past them, fighting the urge to laugh out loud.
That was the consequences of dressing inappropriately. These women were dressed to look good, and they did, but it was came at a price. Apparently, they had no clue that they were dressed inappropriate so I came up with some points for those of you who might be dressing inappropriately but have no idea.
If you spend your fun night out pulling the hem of your skirt or dress down, you are dressed inappropriately. Go change.
If you walk around as though about to fall on your face because you just had to buy those 6″ high heels, you are dressed inappropriately. Watch the video below.
Those 80’s high waisted shorts are back in! The ones that go way up pass your belly button. Well if your belly button is hogging the covers more than your butt cheeks, then maybe you are also dressed inappropriately? You think? Doesn’t matter what I think!
Talking about shorts, if yours are so short that the underside of your butt winks at me as you walk by, what do think? It doesn’t matter if I wink back!
If there’s no beach in sight for miles, yet you are dressed in a nice sexy 2-piece bathing suit and walking around the town, then yup, you look good but inappropriate. Let’s call it inappropriate sexiness. Like that racist joke you heard at work, sounded good but so inappropriate. A friend of mine on a recent trip to Disney, asked the question on Facebook if it was right for young, I mean really young, girls to walk around the beach in Disneyland wearing thongs. You tell me.
If there’s a beach close by but you saw it fit to wander off in your new thongs and mingle with families just out for a stroll, then maybe you are dressed inappropriately. It doesn’t matter if I like it.
Last winter, I saw a lot of young women wearing house slippers outside, even with snow on the ground. That has to be a mental thing but it’s still inappropriate! I don’t care if it’s warm and comfy!
You are not in bed but at the mall yet you are clad in your cotton flannel pajama pants. (And house slippers!) Definitely inappropriate. Go back to bed!
If your OUTERwear is getting more air time than your UNDERwear, you just might be dressed inappropriately. Doesn’t matter if I like it!
If none of the above applies to you but your 12-year old daughter is guilty, then tell her nicely that she’s dressing inappropriately.
Talking about daughter, if you and your daughter fight over who gets to wear what, then let her have it, it’s inappropriate for you anyways.
There’s a time and a place for everything, even your inappropriate attire, it’s in October and it’s called Halloween.
But again, maybe I’m just out of touch with the times…
I am always on the lookout for products that can prolong my life. Be it pills, food, hygienic practices or even sunscreen. Yes, sunscreen. Don’t you know too much sun can cause skin cancer? So quite naturally I saw a piece trending on yahoo with photo too:
Well of course I had to check it out! The story I meant. Not the blonde and the brunette, silly! In fact I didn’t even notice them until later, much later. So I clicked on the link and it took me to the meat of the story with another accompanying pic.
Wow! Look at that! The story I mean. Our sunscreen just may not work! OMG! that’s hot! The sun I mean! And honey dear, I swear, it was all about the sunscreen…
You seriously can’t make this stuff up. I wish you can but no you really can’t. A shepherd was so lonely that he made himself a scarecrow to keep him company. He got carried away with his invention that he also made the thing his sexual partner. And that’s where things got complicated.
The shepherd died while having sex with his scarecrow! I am not sure if he was scared to death or he probably used the scarecrow’s stake to impale himself or what but he died! And he did the deed. The good thing is that he dressed her up in wig and lipstick. I can see why he would want to do her…Lipstick and wig? hmm…
Seriously, WTF is wrong with people nowadays?
When I were a little horn dog, experiencing puberty and mentally humping everything in skirts, where were those perverted but sexy female teachers who prey on their students? Like the one here. So not fair!
Where were those understanding teachers who see past their students failures and ineptitude and see them as just needing to be held and to be loved? You know what I’m talking about, those teachers who have never heard the word ‘fail’. So not fair!
Those anti-bullying laws, where were they when I…you got the point, and it’s so not fair!
Yoga pants, scantily clad girls, gadgets, cool parents who give allowances and let you drive their cars, LGBT acceptance, Fifty Shades Of Grey, talentless singers, easily-accessible porn…where the heck were they back in my day?
Yep, it’s so not fair!
It’s here! Final Fricking Ly! 50 Shades Of Grey is in theaters! Are you going to see it? I am not. Got you there! I have nothing against watching some S&M porn but there are better ones easily accessible on my mac! I can choose my S and my M’s.
The thing is, I would find it embarrassingly awkward sitting in a packed theater watching sex on a big screen with total strangers. I may or may not get aroused but there may be a risk of that. Getting aroused while seated beside a less-than-sexy stranger is just plain gross and bordering on disgusting! It sure would be a nice kinky and voyeuristic experience if a hot blonde/brunette/woman was rubbing elbows with me while I…nevermind!
What would the other
pervs theater-goers think when they see me getting up to go to the bathroom? I would dare not leave my seat for fear they might jump to conclusion on the nature of my departure. No ma’am, I simply cannot partake in a mass porn watching affair. I have never been one who enjoy getting horny in the presence of shady strangers. Sometimes I can’t help myself and I do but it doesn’t mean I like and enjoy it. Like my massage table appointments for example…
So you see, I would turn 50 shades of something if I were to subject myself to such a potentially embarrassing situation. Fifty Shades Of Grey should be the only thing coming in a theater near you.
Too often, I read of stories where parents, granted, most of them celebrities, which doesn’t make them real parents, have watched their children perform in nude scenes without being bothered. Some moms have sat in the audience while their sons used their penis like putty to make silly shapes. Not bothered one bit. Some men have also showed up at the daughters’ strip joints and enjoyed a show with their buddies.
Take this story for example, NBC Nightly News broadcaster Brian Williams, watched his daughter Allison in a raunchy sex scene recently. He attended a premiere of the new season of Girls. The scene called for Allison’s lover to get close and personal with her naked ass. “Get your face in there!” Yelled the director. “Not you sir”, he added as Brian got up out of seat.
I don’t know about you but watching my daughter have sex is not something I have on my bucket list. In fact, the mere thought disgusts me. Isn’t that a torture tactic where terrorists force you to watch them have sex with your family? Why would anyone, especially a dad, willingly watch this? Well unless he has some kinda…nevermind.
Next time you talk to Brian, say to him, “Hey, nice ass on your daughter! I would like to tap that”. You never know, he might ask if he could watch.
The last time I said free anything was when I chanted ‘Free Mandela’ with the rest of the world. Now there is another freedom chant. It’s ‘Free the nipple’ and it is a movement for the liberation of women. Or at least their nipple. Women need freedom, one nipple at a time. No more incarcerated nips!
Now I totally understand how these women feel. Walking around with their nipples in a cup! A darn cup! A prisoner in its own body. Shame! I too would like to see more free nipples for free. I get to see my wife’s and the occasional stripper’s but that’s it. Now how awesome would it be to walk down the street with your eyes bombarded by an assortment of nipples? Black, Indian, Asian, White, a virtual nipple buffet! Yes women, free those puppies! By the way, I hope you are already working on your next chant, “Free The Clitoris!”
Is it me or is it getting a bit nipply out there?
Hey! Wait a minute! Would this mean no more nip slips????