Too often, I read of stories where parents, granted, most of them celebrities, which doesn’t make them real parents, have watched their children perform in nude scenes without being bothered. Some moms have sat in the audience while their sons used their penis like putty to make silly shapes. Not bothered one bit. Some men have also showed up at the daughters’ strip joints and enjoyed a show with their buddies.
Take this story for example, NBC Nightly News broadcaster Brian Williams, watched his daughter Allison in a raunchy sex scene recently. He attended a premiere of the new season of Girls. The scene called for Allison’s lover to get close and personal with her naked ass. “Get your face in there!” Yelled the director. “Not you sir”, he added as Brian got up out of seat.
I don’t know about you but watching my daughter have sex is not something I have on my bucket list. In fact, the mere thought disgusts me. Isn’t that a torture tactic where terrorists force you to watch them have sex with your family? Why would anyone, especially a dad, willingly watch this? Well unless he has some kinda…nevermind.
Next time you talk to Brian, say to him, “Hey, nice ass on your daughter! I would like to tap that”. You never know, he might ask if he could watch.
This is a photograph of one’s nipple. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
The last time I said free anything was when I chanted ‘Free Mandela’ with the rest of the world. Now there is another freedom chant. It’s ‘Free the nipple’ and it is a movement for the liberation of women. Or at least their nipple. Women need freedom, one nipple at a time. No more incarcerated nips!
Now I totally understand how these women feel. Walking around with their nipples in a cup! A darn cup! A prisoner in its own body. Shame! I too would like to see more free nipples for free. I get to see my wife’s and the occasional stripper’s but that’s it. Now how awesome would it be to walk down the street with your eyes bombarded by an assortment of nipples? Black, Indian, Asian, White, a virtual nipple buffet! Yes women, free those puppies! By the way, I hope you are already working on your next chant, “Free The Clitoris!”
Is it me or is it getting a bit nipply out there?
Hey! Wait a minute! Would this mean no more nip slips????
By now you may have heard about the Canadian lover boy, Jian Ghomeshi, if not, go back in your hole until you do. Jian will sleep with anything and anyone. Authors, actresses, students, young, old, men, chickens…yes I said chickens. What? You didn’t know?
After the countless women came forward with claims of being choked during sex by Jian, a male accuser also stepped forward but he was only fondled by Ghomeshi. But his pet chicken is now the latest to step up. Yes, I did say his pet chicken.
Apparently the chicken is accusing Jian of, yes you guessed it, of choking him! Jian Ghomeshi choked his chicken too! After choking just about every chick in the country, how could he even find the time to choke his chicken? That Ghomeshi is something else…
Do you know that I poke my friends’ wives? And their daughters too? If they are old enough to be on Facebook, they are old enough for poking. They are poke-able to coin a phrase. Heck, I’d poke Mark Zuckerberg too but I’m not that kind of guy.
Before you get your knickers in a tangle let’s be clear on what poke I’m talking about here. I am talking about the good ole friendly Facebook poke. What else did you think? Sicko! You guys remind me of this guy who killed his friend for poking his girlfriend. Read it here. Maybe it was her fault, maybe she didn’t explain to her bf exactly what poke she was talking about. The guy probably came home from work and his girlfriend greeted him with, “Honey, Your friend Tony poked me today.” Put that way, any man would be jealous. I am even jealous just thinking about it right now.
But that wasn’t what happened. The poor guy figured he would give his friend’s gal a little nudge. He died for that seemingly innocent nudge. As ‘Tony’ punched him to death, he repeatedly asked, ‘If you’re such a good friend then why did you poke my missus?’ I didn’t know this but apparently a poke is actually a Facebook flirt! Did you know that? Well now that puts a new spin on it. Do you know my friends’ wives flirt with me? And their daughters too. Just begging me to poke them. If they flirt with me, I will poke em. Even Mark. But I’m still not that type of guy. Homey don’t play that.
At a football game recently, the Cheerleaders paraded out to the cheers of the crowd. Yes, they were hot and clad in skimpy and sexy outfits. Yes they were pleasing to the eyes. Yes, they revealed a lot of skin. Behind me, a middle-aged man was making fun of his buddy as he leered at the girls old enough to be his granddaughter, “Oh you are going to have a stroke!” he jokingly said. The guy probably was going to have a stroke but it wasn’t the kind his buddy meant.
As I watched the pleasing-to-the-eye distraction, I thought to myself, “Is this really necessary?” With the fake smiles and midriff-baring outfits, leered and lusted at by old men like me. Hey, I was just kidding! I wasn’t lusting! I wondered about the whole meaning and aptness of this. A man’s game with a side show of hot chicks? What’s the connection? Who came up with this stuff? Maybe the same people who thought it was a great idea for hot chicks to do beer commercials and just about anything else that needs selling to the masses?
Back to the cheerleaders. Well they were standing on each other, doing lateral splits that threatened the frail hearts of the aging, falling into the arms of their beefy male catchers, gyrating, waving, doing whatever it takes to charm the crowd. The girls behind me barely noticed, too bad. The men behind me barely noticed a game was going on. Too bad.
Like I said, it’s dumb and utterly useless and maybe even a step back for female empowerment but hey, they looked darn good out there!
Well if this isn’t a good reason to sue, then tell me what is. A female contestant on the show, ‘Dating Naked’, is suing producers. Guess why? Because they showed her nude. Yep, they showed her va jay jay on tv! The nerve of these producers! What were they thinking? Who does that? Anything to get some cash…
Apparently, Jessie Nizewitz was frolicking in the buff with her also naked date when an uncensored shot of her crotch was shown. Inadvertently? Cash grab? She was putting a wrestling move on her date, if you must know. If you also must know, as soon as I’m done here, I’m going to scour the internet in search of this crotch shot wrestling move.
To compound matters, Jessie has also reported that her boyfriend, yes she does have a boyfriend. Don’t ask me what she was doing on the show frolicking naked with another guy while her bf was sitting at home playing the organ. oh yeah, where was I? She said he hasn’t called her since her crotch was aired live and unedited. Why wouldn’t he call? Don’t worry Jess, his lost. I don’t think he was ready for your jelly. Show him again what he missed.