This morning, I read one of the most interesting blogs I have read in a while. It was from my new-best-blogger-friend Katie from sassandbalderdash.com. (Keep this between us as she doesn’t know this yet). Her post was about accidental catching a glimpse of another female’s posterior while in her gym’s locker room. It was aptly called Accidental Ass Gazing.
From the topic and after the first paragraph, I was fully expecting to read about Katie’s eyes accidentally finding rest on a man’s behind. I was pleasantly surprised and happy that it wasn’t. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…but I wasn’t in the mood.
I am a self-confessed ass-man. I love butts. Female butts. I worship butts. I love them so much that I would gladly point out a guy with a great butt to my wife and she would do the same. If my wife were to catch a glimpse of a perfectly shaped posterior, she would come home with, “I saw the best ass at the gym today. You would have loved it.” And she would be right. I would have loved it indeed. It has nothing to do with sex although it does help something to do with sex. I like nice butts and I cannot lie.
Anyways, Accidental Ass Gazing was so well written with vivid descriptions of a perfect ass, girl slowly stripping…that I felt a stirring in my loins. Sorry Katie, it’s not you. I just wanted to pee, that’s all. Unlike some of the other guys who commented and told Katie that it sounded like it could very well have been the intro to a lesbian porn. I didn’t think so at all. Other than the stirring, I didn’t for one second harbor any sexual thoughts. Seriously! Even when she wrote, “So I stripped to my tank top, and then I started to unbutton my pants…” I hardly reacted. Hardly. My pulse didn’t quicken in eager anticipation and my breathing remained even. I even read it a few times over to make sure. Nope. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Cold as a dead herring.
Katie seemed a bit rebuffed by the insinuations that her innocent gym blog was soft pornish in nature. She said it was an insult as she could done a better job if she had intended it to be. Still waiting Katie…how about ’50 shades of something’?
Have you been experiencing some problems with remembering stuff like where you put your keys or your favorite websites? Then you could be watching too much internet porn. Not sure how much is too much but it can cause you memory loss.
Why just internet porn? I have no idea. I can watch all the porn I want on TV but not on the internet? I think the networks and television people are trying to sabotage the internet people. ‘Stop watching cheap internet porn and rent a real porno flick tonight’ could be the hidden message here. Somebody is trying to screw somebody, folks. (Not that way you sick bastards!)
Back to the memory thing, how does watching a couple go at it on the internet make one lose their memory? Hey, I just had a thought, what if you were to stream it to your tv? Would it still have the same effect? Would it still be considered internet porn? If so, I think I just came up with something big! Check this out: WANT TO WATCH INTERNET PORN WITHOUT SUFFERING FROM MEMORY LOSS? THIS LITTLE GADGET WILL STREAM ALL YOUR PORN STRAIGHT TO YOUR TV FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT. CALL NOW WHILE YOU STILL CAN REMEMBER THE NUMBER. I can invent a device that is made specifically to stream porn from your internet to your tv! I know there are already such devices but so what? Maybe I can call it the PornStreamer or something like that. Today, I pronounce myself a genius!
Anyways, internet porn is a bit more convenient to watch. That’s what I heard. I heard it’s better in that you can take your laptop or internet ready device with you to the bathroom or any place you would like to be to alone. I heard it that it really sucks to watch it when you are distracted or regularly interrupted. I heard lots of stuff. I got lots of friends.
I won’t be around for a while because I have a bunch of stuff to catch up with. No, not
internet porn. You wish! I still have Christmas shopping to do, house to clean, drinks to make and all those fun stuff. I am sure when I return, most of you would not remember me but still, Have yourself a wonderful Christmas, if you can remember what that is…