Thank Goodness For Change Room Cams!

While in the change room in a clothing store yesterday, I was trying on a shirt that was giving me some issues and was getting frustrated until a voice spoke over the intercom, “Sir, your hat is still on.”  Sheepish, I removed the obstruction and was able to get my shirt over my head.

I looked up into the camera and give a silent thank you and a thumbs up to the person watching me.  The voice came back once more, ‘No problem buddy but do you always take your pants off to try on shirts?”

After the incident, I made my way to the bathroom to relieve myself before the long drive home. Again, this came with issues.  I couldn’t find toilet paper.  Right on cue, the voice came at me again.  “Sir, the roll is on the floor behind you.”  Wow! What service! I couldn’t imagine life without these spy cams customer service cameras!

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Black Eye Friday

thSo today was another Walmart  Black Friday.  *yawn*  There were fights, *double yawn* and stuff.  You know the old stabbing, stun gunning, gun shotting and fisticuffing kinda Black Friday, nothing special.  Some got hurt, some got flat screens. Some saved a few dollars but missed work so it balanced out.

America, isn’t it fun?  The world is watching you as you line up for blocks to save a buck and then rush through the doors like barn animals that were locked away for too long, trampling each other as you make your way to the feeding trough.  America, America, it’s damn embarrassing!

American Thanksgiving is world renowned.  Turkey dinners, family, thanks given, oh never mind, that was before this Black Friday thing.  Now it’s “Hurry up and eat your damn turkey so we could go camp out at Walmart!  We could always give thanks later.”

As of today, Black Friday is going to have a new meaning.  I decree that Black Friday be set aside for something more beneficial to society.  Let’s recognize black people.  Yeah, you heard me.  What? I heard that!  You said there’s already MLK day and Black History Month?  Ok fine, how about we call it Black Eye Friday then?  I mean tomorrow, many of you shopaholics would be sporting some dandy shiners.

Looking good, America, looking real good!

Pimpin Ain’t Easy But Think Of The Money, Man.

th-5I am exactly what you are looking for.  I would do whatever you want, whenever you want and however you want it.  I have a lot of experience but willing to learn.  The last person I was with, I lasted a long long time.  I left because it was no longer working out.  Take me!

Looking for work is like pimping out yourself, isn’t it?  You go to these interviews and try to sell yourself.  I am great! I am good! I would do whatever you have to do to convince employers that you are what their company needs and you are better than the next candidate.  Sometimes you have to twist the truth just a tad to gain that edge.  Ok, maybe sometimes even more than a tad. If so, it’s up to you to live up to that hype if and when you get hired.

Saying this, I guess I’m really good at pimping as I did an awesome job and finally landed a job. I’m back in the employment business! Can I get a whoop whoop!?  Well hear this…

I have never worked for a family business before.  I have always worked for companies that were all over the globe or at least North America.  I wasn’t expecting how different it was.  The good thing was that the pay was an increase from my last job.

On my first day, I was told I had to sign in.  What the eff is that?  I thought.  Then as I stood at the punch clock trying to figure out what the hell to do with the card in my hand bearing my name, the accountant came to my rescue.  “It’s easy.  Just put it in like this then push that.”  It was easy.

Finding a clean washroom was harder.  There were two and they were both cringe worthy.  Dirty sinks, over-flowing garbage, dirty floors.  I was scared to touch anything.  I asked the accountant who was now my best friend, if they needed a cleaning company.  “Oh we are so small that we dont go through that much garbage.  We have someone come in once a week.”  Hmmm…O.K…

At my last work, I was a spoiled coffee brat.  Enjoying different flavours of coffees with a reckless abandon, with flavoured creamers.  No such thing here.  A coffee pot sat on a brewer, filled with cheap Maxwell House coffee.  Close by were containers of powdered coffee mate.  All stuff I never touch.  I was aghast but hid it well.  Ahhhh…Coffee! I said out loud as I spotted the thing in the corner.

To sum it up, I had to squeeze my lunch in a corner of a small bar fridge shared by everyone else and washed my cup in the bathroom sink as there was no actual lunch room, hence no sink.  In fact the coffee maker had to share table space with the fax machine.  Think of the money…think of the money…Oh and in the interview don’t forget the guy said they are like family here. I love family.

The kicker was the breaks, especially the lunch breaks.  There was nowhere to go so everyone stayed at their desks working through their given 15 minutes breaks.  Lunch was no different.  I didn’t want to be interrupted during my sacred time so I took my lunch to my car and ate it there.  I went to the boss and asked if I could just tag my two 15 minute breaks unto my lunch so I could have an hour lunch.  He said it was ok as long as I let them know first.  Say what? Think of the money, man. The money!!

Ok, I’m still there so you are wondering what’s the upside.  Well except for two women, it’s an All-Men work place.  No teenagers with hangovers from partying, no drama queens, no gossipy old lady, no bosses with god complex.  It’s close to home but far from any shopping malls or stores which means less spending on my lunch break.  The work is almost exactly what I did in my last stint and the guys are actually not bad to work with and for.  One fella has been there for 30 years enjoying the perks,or lack of.  So I think I will live and when it gets bad all I have to do is think of the money, man, think money!

Check Out The Hottie In The Window!

A pair of mannequins

A pair of mannequins (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Maybe I am wrong but in an old post, I think it was the one about yoga pants, here. I mentioned casually that even mannequins look hot in them. Well if they look hot in lululemon, imagine them in bikini.  Sorry Mumbaians, imagine is all you can do.  Your days of lusting after bikini-wearing-mannequins are over.

Thanks to a steep rise in rape crimes, Mumbai is clamping down on bikinis on mannequins. Peering through a store window, trying to catch a glimpse of the scantily clad fiberglassed hottie could soon be a thing of the past.  It’s a shame as I have made a few bikini purchases for the loves of my life, based on those same mannequins. I hope that they at least provide real-life models…maybe discreetly? Excuse me ma’am, could you put this on so I know what my wife would like with it?  No, not you, your butt’s too big, my wife has a small butt.  Come with you? Ok.  Your place or mine?

Damn rapists!  They spoil everything!  I wonder if the government ever heard of castration?  I hear that could be very effective…Just saying.

That was actually cleanish, wasn’t it?  Maybe even FP worthy?  Mumbaians is not a word? So? Mannequins in lingerie are not humans either.

See that? No sexual innuendos as promised.

Read this with or without panties

English: A pair of white panties with hearts o...

If you are a woman reading this, chances are you are commando.  Well, thanks to a new poll, I have a 50/50 chance of being bang on.  For those of you who have no clue what going commando means, it’s going sans undies.  No not bra-less, panty-less.  So, are you? Just kidding, you don’t have to share that delicate and personal information with me.  Heck, we barely know each other. (So, are you?)  Actually we don’t know each other.  (But, are you though?) So then, should you even be reading my blogs without panties? It just sounds a bit kinky (And depending who you are, a bit hot) but maybe it’s just me.  Would you like to know I’m blogging in the buff or talking to you on the phone while I lie there in the nude? (And, are you?)

Why am I blogging about panties? Well today I read the following on The Examiner’s website and it piqued by interest.

In less than a day, the number of poll respondents of panty versus commando has more than tripled!

The nonscientific survey regarding women wearing undies to bed that has been live forsix days now has panty wearers and those women who choose to shed their pantiesbefore sleep in a dead heat!

40% of women have answered the simple survey as panty wearers while another 40% say they prefer to bare their bottom in bed.

Seven and a half percent claim to only wear panties on special occasions – seems fair to say that those women probably shop at Victoria’s Secret or Frederick’s of Hollywood.

The remaining 12.5% claim to either not know what sleep is or not know what panties are.

Take the survey here: Do you wear panties or go to bed commando?

The poll will be open until midnight December 31st, 2012.

Somewhere in a cold and dark basement, there’s a naked guy awaiting your answer to this poll.  Eagerly.  Somewhere out there, anywhere, everywhere, there’s a woman enjoying a nice cool southerly breeze…And Victoria Secret is yelling, NOOO!!

Oh, and you never answered my question.  So, are you?

Related:

http://www.examiner.com/article/women-that-go-sans-panties-now-dead-heat-with-those-that-wear-undies-to-bed?CID=obnetwork

Those black yoga pants!

I am going to come clean and confess something here.  I have a weakness for chicks in yoga pants. YES! I do! I think it’s the greatest invention for women, ever!

I have a preference for the black ones but any color would do.  If you have an average booty or think you are a couple of pounds on the heavy side, do not despair, get yourself a pair of yoga pants and voila! You are transformed into a tight-assed, sleek-looking babe! Walk past a group of men and look at them check out the new you.

Being happily married with kids does not make me immune to the powers of the yoga pants.  Sorry hon, there’s somethings I just can’t help.  If it’s any consolation, I love seeing you in those pants too. Mmm…

In case you are thinking ‘Dirty man!’, it is not a sexual thing.  It’s just like looking at a piece of art, you really can’t see yourself with it and really have no room for it but it’s worth admiring.  You feel me? I’ll even look at a mannequin in yoga pants.  Even Queen Elizabeth.