Where Did That Black Baby Come From?

English: pic

English: pic (Photo credit: Wikipedia). This gal found out someone mixed up her male order

 

A white woman from the United States of America is suing a sperm bank in Chicago for screwing up her withdrawal. No pun. Yes pun.

 

The woman apparently wanted a white baby, who doesn’t want one of those? But instead of receiving sperm from a white donor, she was giving the seed of a black man! The nerve! The pain! The disgust!

 

Anyways, she’s doing the smart thing and suing, just to make sure mistakes like that never happen again. And in other news, I’m also suing Macdonalds for giving me a big mac instead of a quarter pounder and like the hapless female, I’m also just doing it so that mistakes like this never happen again.

 

Note:  Although I don’t know if she was ever offered a full refund upon return of the kid, I do know that Angelina Jolie heard the news and remarked, “If she doesn’t want it, I’ll take it!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

Wow! That’s Some Serious Kegel!

Not so fast, boy!

Not so fast, boy!

Did you hear about the US exchange student who got stuck inside a German vagina? No? I am serious! I don’t make this shit up. He actually did! It took 5 emergency vehicles and 22 firefighters to extricate the dick from this tenacious pussy.

The student was in Germany and happened to visit a sculpture of a vagina. Being American, he was probably being a dick, trying to show off his sexual prowess and masculinity to the world by conquering the German genitalia.  Unfortunately he forgot a few things.  If you are in a rush to get the job done and have no time for foreplay, then at least use lubrication. He learned his lesson quickly when he suddenly became stuck in the vagina-like stone sculpture.  It made for a very embarrassing situation.

The sculpture was erected in 2001 and the student may never be erected ever again. Apparently, after withdrawal, the man apparently went limp.  That’ll teach him.

 

Friday Folly: Al Quaeda Leader Is Calling.

Imam Anwar al-Awlaki in Yemen October 2008, ta...

Imam Anwar al-Awlaki in Yemen October 2008, taken by Muhammad ud-Deen. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Again I missed an important call!  Just when I thought that I was well connected with all the social medias and electronic gadgets, I’m still missing important calls.  Today I found out that the Al Quaeda leader, now how many Al Quaeda leaders are there? called for attacks on American soil.  In his words, he wants to ‘bleed American economically.’

First, I hate missing stuff.  Anything.  My wife is always the one to tell me they are calling for snow, or sleet or rain or whatever.  When I asked who is ‘they’ and when did they call, she looks at me like I’m weird and walks away.  Now back to this Al Quaeda fella.  So he wants me to do what?  He could have left a message on my voicemail.  Not that I would have complied with his wishes but still…

I would have returned the call but apparently Al Quaeda operatives are a bit overly suspicious as he had his number blocked.  Hey, Mr. Quaeda leader, if you read blogs, follow this…DO NOT CALL ME AGAIN!  I don’t care if you are calling for bombings or beatings or what have you.  Do not call.  You are an idiot!  If you have a problem with America, go and discuss it with them yourself!  Do not include me in your stupid terror plans!  You give muslims a bad name.  Heck, you give humans a bad name!

Oh how I wished I had picked up the phone when he called…

Monica’s Soiled Dress Up For Auction! Complete With Clinton Scum.

English: Monica Lewinsky, from her government ...

English: Monica Lewinsky, from her government ID photo by Office of the Secretary of Defense. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Yes, THAT Monica.  Monica Lewinsky of Bill Clinton’s cigar fame has her negligee and letter from Bill Clinton on the auction block.  They were used in the case against Bill when as President of the United States and married to Hilary, he had an affair with Monica his intern.  He vehemently denied it, making famous the line, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman”.  Apparently they did everything butt but.

For a measly $100,000 you could own both pieces of history!  Maybe later you could even clone President Bill!  Just imagine a herd of Billies running around getting sperm on everything.  The curtains, the baby sitter’s dress…  With the remnants of presidential sperm on your newly acquired negligee, you could even have sex with a President without him being in the same room!  Man oh man…the possibilities are endless.

I wonder how much Bill would get for the cigar?  Now that’s a probing question.

You crazy Americans, you!  You would do anything for money and pay money for anything.

Friday Folly – Illegal Aliens

Illegal Aliens (film)

Illegal Aliens (film) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Pardon me if I get this wrong, it’s not the first time and I’m sure it won’t be the last.  As I’m not the smartest tool in the shed, I think I am kind of lost when it comes to the issue of illegal aliens in the USA.  I read somewhere in the news that they were granting some sort of amnesty to illegal aliens and I thought, ‘There are aliens in the US?  And what makes some legal and some illegal?”  Illegal aliens…sounds oxymoronic to me.

I am thinking of the movie Men In Black here.  I imagine aliens just blending in happily with us humans. Scary thought.  I think all aliens should be illegal and we should not be granting them any type of amnesty.  Send them packing in their homemade UFO’s or whatever they rode in on.

Now that I think of it, I don’t doubt that there are indeed aliens among us. It just makes sense.  I bet I could pinpoint a few disguised as humans.  A co-worker, a neighbor  even a family member.  I have always had my doubts on whether some of these people were humans or not.  My boss who has no clue what I do even though I work my ass off for him, he’s definitely an alien.  How about my parasitic sister and her husband who live in mom’s basement, no jobs and paying no rent.  Yep, aliens for sure.  Even a couple of my exes I am sure were aliens.  These aliens are good!

Now I feel better knowing that the reason for some of the actions of the people I know is because they aren’t like you and me.  They are aliens.  Now are they legal or illegal?  That I don’t know.

Be careful driving, there are a lot of them sharing the road with you.

Unscrambling the US elections

Flag of the United States of America

Flag of the United States of America (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Finally! The race for the job as top dog of the United States of America is finally over.  You can all vacate the premises please.  Nothing to see here.  Everything is just as it was a day ago.  Except that I, as an ignoramus when it comes to politics, am overwhelmed with questions about the electoral process.

 

First, why are retirees even allowed to run for the most stressful job in the world?  Year after year, I see men in their late sixties trying to be president. It’s not exactly a Walmart Greeter.  In 2008, the race pitted a 47-year-old Obama against a 70-something year old McCain  To me, that’s outrageous.  (I wonder if he even stayed up to watch the results). It would have been disgraceful if the old guy had beaten the young man.  Hare and tortoise proportion.

 

Enough on the age issue.  I also don’t get the confusing process of electing a President to office.  I was of the opinion that voters go out, place their votes, votes get counted and the majority wins.  What the heck are electoral votes? College votes? (Or is it electoral college?) Popular Votes? etc. etc.?  Can someone explain to me how I could win the majority of the votes but lose the election based on the senate or the popular or the college or the whatever votes?  Should I ask Al Gore?   Do you think he would know? Call me dumb, I don’t care.  I have been called worst. Ok, not really.  I have been called smart before though.  There was this one time when…oh nevermind. Got distracted a bit there.

 

Let’s end this on a good note. Congrats to Obama for getting another kick at the can.  Another go at it.  Another term in office.  (Is it called The Black House now? Or would that be politically incorrect?)  What I don’t get is the frenzy and the tizzy that everyone is in this morning.  Yes, Obama won but in my opinion, it would not have been any different if the other guy had won instead.  We would have barely noticed.  Maybe that’s why I don’t do politics. I can’t tell the difference between a Republican and a Democrat.  I can differentiate between a surplus and a deficit though.

 

I read somewhere that the breakdown was basically the blacks and Hispanics supported the black guy and the older white guys voted for a white president.  That’s right folks.  That’s exactly how you do it, pick your president based on your color preference.  Hate to rain on your parade here but remember, GWB (That’s not short for Grumpy White Bitch) was also re-elected to a second term…just saying.

 

Gotta run, talk later.  Go Obama!!!