Wow! That’s Some Serious Kegel!

Not so fast, boy!

Not so fast, boy!

Did you hear about the US exchange student who got stuck inside a German vagina? No? I am serious! I don’t make this shit up. He actually did! It took 5 emergency vehicles and 22 firefighters to extricate the dick from this tenacious pussy.

The student was in Germany and happened to visit a sculpture of a vagina. Being American, he was probably being a dick, trying to show off his sexual prowess and masculinity to the world by conquering the German genitalia.  Unfortunately he forgot a few things.  If you are in a rush to get the job done and have no time for foreplay, then at least use lubrication. He learned his lesson quickly when he suddenly became stuck in the vagina-like stone sculpture.  It made for a very embarrassing situation.

The sculpture was erected in 2001 and the student may never be erected ever again. Apparently, after withdrawal, the man apparently went limp.  That’ll teach him.

 

Lab-Made Vaginas

Adult Content .. Penn St officials head to cou...

I come bearing good news for you men who always wanted to have sex with a real vagina but without the trimmings.  You know the post-coitus cuddles, the small talk and sometimes the crying.  The good gentlemen over at the science lab or scientist as they like to be called, are now able to make vaginas in a lab!  Smack me in the ass and call me Betty!

I heard that these are just like the real deal, so don’t go asking your potential girlfriend if her vag is real.  It’s not plastic, it’s actually made from the person’s own cells. And by the way, I was only kidding about you perverts being able to purchase your own personal vaginas for in-home use.  So don’t throw out your sex doll just yet.

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Scent Of A Woman

Fasten your seatbelts folks, this ain’t no movie review.  To some, it might get downright disgusting.  So stop now if you are easily disgusted, especially by smelly parts.  Today, we are going to talk a bit about women and their smell.  Well to be more accurate, the smell of their womanhood.  Or ladyhood. Whatever.

I am not taking sole responsibility for waking up this topic.  No ma’am.  It wasn’t me.  I was minding my own business reading about the Boston bombing on the puter when I absent-mindedly clicked on a link that took me to a topic that read. ‘The answer to every woman’s question:  What is it supposed to smell like down there.’

Now before you ask, “Why were you reading it, you are not a woman.”  I know I am not a woman and don’t have a ‘down there’ but as I ‘eat’ down there, I figured that I should at least be interested in what and where I eat. (Sorry about the ‘eat’ thing.  I assumed we are all adults here).  So I basically wanted to find out what exactly my food should smell like so I dove right in.  No use beating around the bush.  (Again, I am sorry if I come off crude).

What did I learn?  I learned that Vaginas are not supposed to smell like roses.  But also not supposed to smell like rotten fish either.  Somewhere in between is where is should be.  So a rose with a faint fish smell should be ok. Or even a fish with a rosie smell is fine too.

Interestingly, there was a paragraph on how a woman can tell if she has an odor.  I was expecting it to be, ‘If your man refuses to put his lips close to your rose petals, even though you have a mistletoe hanging in front of it, you might have an odor problem’.  Or even, “If your man puts on a gas mask before he ventures down under, do a smell test.”

Women, did you know that you could and should measure your vagina’s ph level?  I didn’t either.  I wonder what color it turns the ph paper? Some overly eager guys have used their penis as a ph paper and test many a foul-smelling vagina and from what I have heard, it turns them red.  Don’t hate.  I said ‘so I heard.’

I will leave you girls to go read it yourself.  You might learn something.  Me, I am going to eat.  Food silly!

And hey, if you have a strong odor, don’t be too worried. Just leave it.  It makes it easier for the dogs to find you if you ever get lost in the woods.  See?  It’s not all doom and gloom.