Black Eye Friday

thSo today was another Walmart  Black Friday.  *yawn*  There were fights, *double yawn* and stuff.  You know the old stabbing, stun gunning, gun shotting and fisticuffing kinda Black Friday, nothing special.  Some got hurt, some got flat screens. Some saved a few dollars but missed work so it balanced out.

America, isn’t it fun?  The world is watching you as you line up for blocks to save a buck and then rush through the doors like barn animals that were locked away for too long, trampling each other as you make your way to the feeding trough.  America, America, it’s damn embarrassing!

American Thanksgiving is world renowned.  Turkey dinners, family, thanks given, oh never mind, that was before this Black Friday thing.  Now it’s “Hurry up and eat your damn turkey so we could go camp out at Walmart!  We could always give thanks later.”

As of today, Black Friday is going to have a new meaning.  I decree that Black Friday be set aside for something more beneficial to society.  Let’s recognize black people.  Yeah, you heard me.  What? I heard that!  You said there’s already MLK day and Black History Month?  Ok fine, how about we call it Black Eye Friday then?  I mean tomorrow, many of you shopaholics would be sporting some dandy shiners.

Looking good, America, looking real good!

Preparing for Doomsday


doomsday_sign (Photo credit: matt.ohara)


I might get a memo at work from the boss:  “Guys, we have just been told that Doomsday is for real.  This throws a wrench into production and our bottom line.  We are now forced to move month end up to December 20th.  Please have all your figures in.  I wish you and your family a safe Doomsday.  Sales, please finalize all contracts.  Thank you.”  “P.S.  We will break early on the 20th so we could spend time with our families but those who wish to  stay at work are welcome to do so.  They will be paid overtime.”


My mom would panic.  Everything panics her.  She would call me a dozen times in the same minute.  “Did you hear the news?  Just heard it on CNN or was it TSN? or TNN? one of those stations.  The Gloomsday is coming.”  You mean ‘Doomsday’ mom?  “Yeah Yeah, Doomsday.  I have to go catch up water and pack some clothes and go to Walmart and Dollarama and Giant Tiger.”  Clothes mom? Why are you going shopping?  Nevermind, talk to you later.  “Make sure you guys catch up water too.”  Ok mom.  “Oh and by the way, Walmart has half-off sales on everything. No returns or exchanges but you can walk out with stuff as the greeter has called in sick.” Bye mom.

My mother-in-law would be almost the same.  Calling us every two minutes.  “I saw it on the PVR that the thing is for real, guys.  What do they call it? Doomsy or Tombsday?”  You mean Doomsday?  “Yeah, whatever, hahaha.  Are you guys scared? I am not.  As a matter of fact, I’m drunk right now. hahaha.  No shit.  Your father-in-law is drunk too”  (She’s not a drunk).

My Dad would try to be Mr. Know-it-all as usual.  As he toys with his umpteenth drink he would say to no one in particular, “Doomsday is bunk.  Not gonna happen. Hic! Trust me.  It’s impossible.  Hic!  I bet you on my children’s lives that it won’t happen.  Where and who are my children anyways?  Ah who cares? Never cared about them then, I still don’t care now” Hic…Hic.


What would my wife do?  She would make sure everything was clean.  Not sure about the logic there.   Maybe having a clean environment would turn the Doom off.  “It’s our last chance to clean. Let’s make it count guys.  Oh, let’s get the Christmas tree up too.  Come on!  Move it!  We don’t have all week! Get off your ass!”  Ok honey.


Good thing it’s not going to happen.  Or is it?  Hey, Do they blog in heaven?  Follow me and we’ll find out together.