Are you dressing inappropriately?

I am going to Disney Land!

A few weeks ago, while downtown, I happened to be walking behind a couple of ‘well-dressed’ women out for night of party.  As they walked, their hands were busy trying to keep their much-too-short dresses that looked more like a shirt, from giving passers-by an accidental sneak peak.  Fortunately for them, they were successful.  Unfortunately for them, their luck didn’t hold when it came to their shoes.

These women were wearing shoes with stilt-like heels.  All of a sudden, one of them had an ankle that decided it wanted to get closer to the ground.  The young woman wanted none of that and fought to resist this upstarted ankle.  She over corrected and next thing you know, she is fighting with both ankles, stumbling like a drunken sailor, this way and that until she finally got within arm’s reach of a railing which she hung on to for dear life. Not to be outdone, her friend’s ankles decided to do the same thing and she too ended up sharing the railing with her friend. A smile creased my face as I walked past them, fighting the urge to laugh out loud.

That was the consequences of dressing inappropriately.  These women were dressed to look good, and they did, but it was came at a price.  Apparently, they had no clue that they were dressed inappropriate so I came up with some points for those of you who might be dressing inappropriately but have no idea.

If you spend your fun night out pulling the hem of your skirt or dress down, you are dressed inappropriately. Go change.

If you walk around as though about to fall on your face because you just had to buy those 6″ high heels, you are dressed inappropriately.  Watch the video below.

Those 80’s high waisted shorts are back in!  The ones that go way up pass your belly button.  Well if your belly button is hogging the covers more than your butt cheeks, then maybe you are also dressed inappropriately? You think? Doesn’t matter what I think!

Talking about shorts, if yours are so short that the underside of your butt winks at me as you walk by, what do think?  It doesn’t matter if I wink back!

If there’s no beach in sight for miles, yet you are dressed in a nice sexy 2-piece bathing suit and walking around the town, then yup, you look good but inappropriate.  Let’s call it inappropriate sexiness. Like that racist joke you heard at work, sounded good but so inappropriate.  A friend of mine on a recent trip to Disney, asked the question on Facebook if it was right for young, I mean really young, girls to walk around the beach in Disneyland wearing thongs. You tell me.

If there’s a beach close by but you saw it fit to wander off in your new thongs and mingle with families just out for a stroll, then maybe you are dressed inappropriately.  It doesn’t matter if I like it. 

Last winter, I saw a lot of young women wearing house slippers outside, even with snow on the ground.  That has to be a mental thing but it’s still inappropriate!  I don’t care if it’s warm and comfy!

Bearpaw Loki II Women  Round Toe Leather Brown Scuffs Slippers Shoesimage

You are not in bed but at the mall yet you are clad in your cotton flannel pajama pants.  (And house slippers!) Definitely inappropriate. Go back to bed!

If your OUTERwear is getting more air time than your UNDERwear, you just might be dressed inappropriately.  Doesn’t matter if I like it!

If none of the above applies to you but  your 12-year old daughter is guilty, then tell her nicely that she’s dressing inappropriately.

Talking about daughter, if you and your daughter fight over who gets to wear what, then let her have it, it’s inappropriate for you anyways.

There’s a time and a place for everything, even your inappropriate attire, it’s  in October and it’s called Halloween.

But again, maybe I’m just out of touch with the times…

 

 

Running Woman Makes Blogger Breaks Vow

English: Running woman Nederlands: Hardlopende...

English: Running woman Nederlands: Hardlopende vrouw (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Dear readers, I have a problem. You see, I have this habit of double glancing everytime I see a beautiful woman.  It doesn’t help that I think women are God’s most beautiful creation, bar none. If a woman walks past me in yoga pants, lululemon or tight jeans, I can’t help but look back to see if she looks as good leaving as she did coming. Nothing sexual or lustful, just pure admiration for the fairer sex and the presentation. I am happily married and think my wife is the cat’s meow so I guess it’s more like admiring your neighbor’s expensive red jaguar. Not wanting the expense but thinking it’s still a beauty to admire. So now you get where I’m coming from?  Don’t want you to start judging me, calling me a playa and all that, because I swear, that’s not how it is at all.  Don’t judge be because of that last post. Here.

But anyways, I am not writing this blog to confess my bad habit to you, no sir/ma’am.  The reason I’m blogging is actually to tell you what happened on Saturday morning.  My 8-year-old has soccer practice on Saturday mornings and instead of taking turns driving him, I told the wifey that I would do the honors. I am more of the morning person and enjoy the alone-time, drinking my coffee while I wait for him.  Going to MacDonald’s for breakfast after is a good deal maker too.  So anyways, while standing on the side of the field, I caught myself double looking at a female coach who was coaching some 5-6-year olds. Yes, she was wearing lululemons. Or were they yoga pants? I was mad at myself and made a mental vow that starting immediately, I would not give any woman the double-look again.  I vowed to be strong. I had to stop before it got out of hand, right? So yep, no more checking out the grass on the other side. Done!

While enjoying my new-found emancipation from this binding addiction, movement on my periphery caught my attention.  I turned my head and saw it was just a blonde young woman, dressed in lululemon pants, or were they yoga? and matching top, out for a run.  Her pony-tailed hair swooped from side to side like a horse’s. (Oh, that’s why they call them pony tail! Aha moment!).

Kinda like her

 

Vow forgotten, tossed to the wind like torn up paper, I double glanced.  Yup, I did.  It was the hair, I swear!  She probably used it to put weak men with vows in trances. Mesmerize us.  Had to be. as here I was, double, triple, quadruple glancing, waiting for her to go by to see if she had the correct running form. She did! He hips, shoulders and entire body was a mass of rhythm. I was proud of her. Like a running coach admiring his star athlete.

Ok, nothing is as beautiful as a woman and nothing is as graceful as a human running.  See where I’m going with this? So yup, I broke my vow before it was even cooled from exiting the warmth confines of my thought. I disgraced the school of thought.

Honey, let’s go running.  Better yet, you go running around the block while I watch.  Yes, around the bed is fine too…

 

Check this out:

https://funnysideupandscrambled.wordpress.com/2015/05/18/its-all-about-the-sunscreen-honestly/

Free The Nipple! Yes You Can!

This is a photograph of one's nipple.

This is a photograph of one’s nipple. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The last time I said free anything was when I chanted ‘Free Mandela’ with the rest of the world.  Now there is another freedom chant.  It’s ‘Free the nipple’ and it is a movement for the liberation of women. Or at least their nipple.  Women need freedom, one nipple at a time.  No more incarcerated nips!

Now I totally understand how these women feel.  Walking around with their nipples in a cup! A darn cup!  A prisoner in its own body. Shame! I too would like to see more free nipples for free.  I get to see my wife’s and the occasional stripper’s but that’s it.  Now how awesome would it be to walk down the street with your eyes bombarded by an assortment of nipples? Black, Indian, Asian, White, a virtual nipple buffet! Yes women, free those puppies!  By the way, I hope you are already working on your next chant, “Free The Clitoris!”

Is it me or is it getting a bit nipply out there?

Hey! Wait a minute! Would this mean no more nip slips????

Friday Folly: The Best Dumb And Useless Thing Ever But I Like It. Well Sorta.

At a football game recently, the Cheerleaders paraded out to the cheers of the crowd. Yes, they were hot and clad in skimpy and sexy outfits. Yes they were pleasing to the eyes. Yes, they revealed a lot of skin.  Behind me, a middle-aged man was making fun of his buddy as he leered at the girls old enough to be his granddaughter,  “Oh you are going to have a stroke!” he jokingly said.  The guy probably was going to have a stroke but it wasn’t the kind his buddy meant.

As I watched the pleasing-to-the-eye distraction, I thought to myself, “Is this really necessary?” With the fake smiles and midriff-baring outfits, leered and lusted at by old men like me.  Hey, I was just kidding! I wasn’t lusting!  I wondered about the whole meaning and aptness of this. A man’s game with a side show of hot chicks? What’s the connection? Who came up with this stuff? Maybe the same people who thought it was a great idea for hot chicks to do beer commercials and just about anything else that needs selling to the masses?

Back to the cheerleaders. Well they were standing on each other, doing lateral splits that threatened the frail hearts of the aging, falling into the arms of their beefy male catchers, gyrating, waving, doing whatever it takes to charm the crowd. The girls behind me barely noticed, too bad. The men behind me barely noticed a game was going on. Too bad.

Like I said, it’s dumb and utterly useless and maybe even a step back for female empowerment but hey, they looked darn good out there!

What’s Your Excuse, Big Boy?

feb06a8d-e7ad-495d-8841-d859157ac54f_What-s-Your-ExcuseWomen are mad! No no, I don’t mean you women/chicks/ladies are nuts.  That’s a whole different blog.  I am talking about women being mad over the photo posted on Facebook by a hot mother of three.  She had the nerve to post a hot pic of herself looking sexy as hell, with the caption, ‘What’s your excuse’.  I am not sure what she meant by that but I couldn’t think of one excuse for ogling her photo. Not even having a wife and kids was a good enough excuse.

Ok, I know she wasn’t talking to me.  She probably wasn’t talking to you too but some saw it as an attempt to belittle, pardon the pun, fat people.  I don’t see it that way.  Jeez, Jillian Michaels and all the other slave driver excuses for trainers say the same thing all the time and no one takes exceptions.  Don’t believe me? Watch Biggest Losers.  Heck, they are even calling fat people losers!!! Somebody better organize a protest. Do it now while I go peruse Maria Kang’s Facebook page.

Back to Ms. Hottie. So she’s posing in a nice workout bra complemented by matching micro shorts. Her rock hard abs are to die for as are her arms.  To some, she might be regarded as a MILF. (not to me, I’m married with kids).

If you are one of those who took exceptions to this photo and feel that it was a personal barb at you, don’t be.  As a matter of fact, what’s your excuse?

Monday Madness: Women Cruise Convertible Style In Vancouver

go-topless-day-282In Vancouver yesterday, men forsook the boob tube and instead took in some real boobs as women bared their tops in the name of gender equality.  In case you are wondering what that means, it means that some women are not happy that us men are allowed to let our tits hang out while they have to keep theirs covered.  I agree!  I am sure that my man boobs does not equate to the same thing as a woman’s but hey…

Now I have a small confession, you see when I’m bored I sometimes look at chests.  Women’s chests. YES BOOBS!  Jeez, you just had to make me say it, didn’t you? Anyways yes I do. Most of the times they are on the computer and I have to pay for them.  Could you imagine the breast buffet if women are allowed to bare arms breasts?  Man I could see the real thing! I don’t have to sit for hours on my puter.  I will be like a vet, “Show me those puppies, ma’am.”

Too bad women were too chicken back in my day.  They would never have given thought to such ridiculousness.  Show my breasts?  No effing way!  Heck, even my girlfriends didn’t take theirs out unless it was pitch dark in my bedroom.  This is indeed a giant step for mankind.  Oh and womankind too.  These brave women deserve a good chest bump.  From me of course, who else?

Hey, but have you noticed that the women participating in these things are usually the ones you would rather not see?  Just an observation.  And what’s with those who put pasties on their nipples?  (see pic above). Come on woman!  Are you in this or not?  It’s all or nothing.  Have you ever seen a convertible with its roof half down? NO.  Then smarten up and let it all hang out!  It’s for a good cause.  What’s it for again??

Disclaimer:  I was just kidding about looking at breasts on the computer.  I don’t.  Well not unless they are looking at me first.  I am married, remember?  To a woman who is not afraid to show me her puppies when it’s not dark.

 

 

Am I Not Sexy Enough For Your Splash Park?

IMG_5755_blogToday I took my kids to the splash park in the neighborhood as a treat for good behavior.  It was packed!  No, not just busy, packed!  The first thing I noticed was how I was overdressed for the venue.  Mothers in two-piece bikinis on the plus side of skimpy, chased their little ones around as if they were at the beach. I was confused.  I was excited.  Then I was sober. Wasn’t this supposed to be a splash park where kids play at the mini fountains while their parents sit in the shade and watch with hawk eyes?  Granted, there was a wading pool but it was hardly an excuse to don a full-out bathing attire.  It wasn’t deep enough to cover my toenail.  Plus, the bikini-clad ones never even got their ankles wet.  Oh wait a minute! Maybe they were there to catch a tan.  Yes! That’s it!  They were dressed to tan.  Who cares if the sun was barely out.

As I stewed in consternation and compared butts, I pondered going back home to get my swim trunks.  Just then a mother in her late 30’s or so strolled past me wearing heels.  Yep, heels with straps.  Looked really nice on her feet but for some reason, again seemed out-of-place.  I glanced up and she was dressed as though she should have stayed outside the fence monitoring her kids from afar rather than up close, risking a wet down.  And yes, she could have been at work when she suddenly got hit by an idea.  Why don’t you get up from your desk and go take your kids to the splash park?  That would explain the high heels.  But what about the shorts?  Ok, I never said I have all the answers.  I looked at my own feet in thongs. (not that kind).  Come on man, at least wear your Nikes!

Maybe it’s a sign that I’m getting old, (my birthday was just last week) Thinking conservative and all.  I need to loosen up a bit, both mentally and in attire.  Nothing wrong with mingling with kids while wearing bathing suits, right?  Of course not. It’s not at all like bringing beer to a child’s birthday party.  No, nothing at all like that.